Falling

My foot slips, ground gives way.

My mouth gapes wide,

The wind takes my scream,

tossing it into oblivion.

 

I’m falling.

Cascading forever.

Tumbling downward.

 

I can’t make sense of my surroundings,

my senses are dulled.

No sight.

No sound.

No feeling.

 

My heart seems to break,

my veins burst from fear.

I shake and I shiver,

my body fights back.

 

I cannot win.

 

I’m falling.

With no way up.

There’s no stopping it.

 

The bottom is near.

I can’t see what it is.

 

Rocks?

Ready to break bone and rend flesh.

 

Water?

Ready to envelope, to smother.

 

Cloud?

Ready to give way, to disappear.

 

The ground.

 

I hit.

Pain floods through me,

liquid bursts,

bone breaks.

 

No one there to help.

I’m alone.

 

There is darkness, only darkness.

And the pain…

 

Author's Note

Let me know what you think and check out more of my work!

Reviews

[Violet Rose]

Oh, it's too bad that A) you're not in the "Sun and the Moon and the Stars" group to participate in their "Falling" contest and B) the contest expired so I can't get you in there to win the contest, as I'm sure this one was a gold star winner.

"The wind takes my scream,
tossing it into oblivion."

That was the line that set the poem in motion, I believe. From there, I felt sort of dizzy from the imagery and just how real everything felt.

[Hope]

I pictured myself falling and I heard those thoughts going through my head as well as feeling the pain you describe. The lines which stuck out at me were:
"The ground.
I hit.
Pain floods through me,
liquid bursts,
bone breaks.

No one there to help.
I'm alone.

There is darkness, only darkness.
And the pain�"

After I read "I hit" everything around me went silent. This is a very well written poem!!

[sorentense]

Well, the good news is that when you fell, your audience fell with you. I love the feeling you created of how there was no stopping the impact, and how you drew out the fall long enough to get your reader a little concerned. Waiting for the 'splat' at the end. Wonderful job!

[bubblepup13]

wow, i read this and actually got pain in my lower back. Ouch, you drag it out long enough to create a sense of fear in the reader, but not so long that the reader becomes bored and moves on. Very nice.

[Syke]

GREAT! I could envision what was happening as the poem went on, and no, it was a stick figure, not you I saw falling. Really though, a great poem. Gets the point across with a relatively minimal use of words, very spartan.