The Silent Longing Of Unspoken Words and Voiceless Thoughts

Poetry written by me.

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[IndigoBlu]

Myself
By myself
I feel so at home
When I am alone.
I like being alone.

[IndigoBlu]

Sorrow
Lonely in your mind.
You're locked inside with your thoughts,
From a chain of sorrow.

Scared and alone inside,
With the beast roaming within.
Growling, scratching,
Wanted to break through.

You want it to stop,
You try to hold it in.
But it gets so hard,
It is so strong.

That’s you,
Every second of every minute.
Dying so scared, so alone,
In your train of thoughts.

You try to show my best friends,
You try to show my family.
But they don’t see it,
You've tried to forget and move on.

They all say teens don't know sorrow or the hardships,
You’re just a teen with wild thoughts,
Just looking for that extra drop of attention.
They say, that’s all it is.

Won’t they just listen,
Won’t they hear your cries,
For them to understand your pain?
Aren’t they listening to your pleads?

You think that no one will ever understand,
What you go through everyday,
Just to get through, alive.
That they will never know?

Who will understand this,
Who knows how you feel right now?
You're lonely,
But the feelings inside are so very real.

Worthless,
Loneliness,
Not enough,
Scared.

Afraid,
Alone,
Invisible,
Depressed,

Your family,
They live life so freely,
Like your feelings are so invisible to see.

Your misfits in your mind running around,
Your thoughts saying,
“They not care about you anyways, you’re just useless!”
They yell to you.

You can't escape the feelings,
Locked inside your mind.
You're fat,
You’re unloved,
They hate you, that’s why they don’t care.

But you don’t show it on the outside,
You hide it,
With your laughter,
And your smiles.

You don’t want to feel like this,
So you block them out and feel nothing.
Your insides are numb,
You put up thick walls to hide your sorrow.

Make sure they don’t see it,
But even if they do,
They won’t care.
They’ll just ignore it,
Because you’re invisible.

You look for some source of relief,
To stop the sorrow.
Cutting, sleeping.
Sure it helps you for a little,
But you get no gain out of it.

And the beast inside,
Scream verbal words at you.
"Please stop this, you’re gonna get yourself killed!"
The beast repeats that every time.

You try to plead as loud as you can
You're so lonely, you need help
That only makes them turn their backs on you,
And run away like you’re a disease to them.

They yell back, you're dumb, a stupid teen,
It's in your thoughts.
Don’t they see, it’s not inside
Because you're dead.

[IndigoBlu]

Demons
She’s like a moon in a pitch full night
She’s holding on so tight
She will not let you go free, she will not let the dark fade away
She takes your body even deeper into the dark abyss
She takes you back to those blood stained chains
She burns you with a firing blaze into your vains
The dark abyss will not allow her to let her prey go
Fore I am the prey, she is the predator
She will not let you break free
She throws you in a dungeon to rot
Until she comes back to torture you with fear
So I collapse to the most bloodiest ground nobodies seen before
With slash marks on my back I cuddle myself in to the corner
And shake so fiercely, I feel like an oncoming panic attack
I start to scream to everything that I have to mourn
I mourn for that small light to become at least a little brighter
I plead for forgiveness of my sins but, they don’t leave me
My demons won't leave me alone
I scream in fear as I start to fade away...
Not a sound is heard
Not a word uttered
I see that no one cares about me
Not even a little
And no one pleads for my safety
They all just stand there and watch.
I grab my object
I pierce my skin with the object so that it cuts my veins
I close my mouth to cover the pain
So she will not here.
I open my arms so that the light can come
To drag me along and kill me along with my sins.
My tiny little thing of mine will take me away from here
Something I call self-harm.
Why does it feel so good
Is it because I’m so unheard?
Sadness is so overwhelming I have to get rid of it
A sharp object is who I love
The thing that I use when things get to rough.
When she is not around, that is what I use
This cage is too rough, I have to end this before she comes
I will finally be set free from those chains that bound me here
Away from her and up above I will soar.
I will live with my god under his gaze, as he protects me from her.
I will be in peace away from the thing that I hate.
That one thing they call fate.

[IndigoBlu]

Not words
Stupid
Ugly
Loser
Not enough
Fat
Freak
S**t
Emo
Fake
B***h

These aren’t words. Not anymore. They’re a tattoo.

Written on bodies. From head to toe.

Stupid is on the head
Ugly is on the face
Loser is on the neck
Not enough is on the chest
Fat is on the stomach
Freak is on the upper right arm
S**t is on the lower right arm
Emo is on the upper left arm
Fake is on the lower left arm
B***h is on the right thigh
Attention w***e is on the left thigh

[IndigoBlu]

Pretending
Pretending to be ‘normal.’ Doing you’re best to act like you’re okay... day after day... week after week... month after month...

It is just so...EXHAUSTING!...

Is there a way to stop living without dying, cause I would do it.

[IndigoBlu]

Why?
I don’t understand why. Why do people always tell you to just be yourself, no one else. Then why in the end do they always end up judging me.

Wait, you just told me to be myself. Why?

[IndigoBlu]

That’s what it’s like
Imagine having someone following you around all day, everyday, every hour, every minute, every second, and all they tell you are.....

You’re fat
You’re worthless
You’re too heavy
You’re annoying
You bug people
They don’t want to know
You’re wrong
Don’t say anything
You’re nothing
No one cares
Be better
Get over yourself

Don’t eat
Don’t eat
Don’t eat

You’re not worth food
You discuss not only me
But everyone around you.....

That’s what it’s like.

[IndigoBlu]

Not
Not pretty
Not good enough
Not wanted
Not useful
Not skinny
Not smart
Not visible
Not something
Not perfect
Not enough

Too fat
Worthless
Too heavy
Annoying
A nothing
Stupid
A freak
A loser
Ugly
A no one
A b***h

No one cares

[IndigoBlu]

Too much
Too much frowning?
Too much yelling?
Too much screaming?
Too much silence?
Well guess what, we’re a packaged deal
So deal with it!

[IndigoBlu]

Don’t be
Don’t be mean,
Don’t be kind.

Don’t be respectful,
Don’t be disrespectful.

Don’t be beautiful,
Don’t be ugly.

Don’t be honest,
Don’t be biased.

Don’t be intelligent,
Don’t be dumb.

Don’t be perfect,
Don’t be klutzy.

Don’t be funny,
Don’t be rude.

Don’t be courageous,
Don’t be afraid.

Don’t be talented,
Don’t be dull.

Don’t be crazy,
Don’t be normal.

Don’t be adventurous,
Don’t be fearful.

Don’t be amazing,
Don’t be insignificant.

Don’t be bad,
Don’t be good.

Don’t be angry,
Don’t be calm.

Don’t be social,
Don’t be antisocial.

Don’t be dependent,
Don’t be independent.

Don’t be negative,
Don’t be positive.

Don’t be shy,
Don’t be outgoing.

Don’t be rich,
Don’t be poor.

Don’t be trustworthy,
Don’t be untrustworthy.

Don’t be caring,
Don’t be careless.

Don’t be understanding,
Don’t be misunderstanding.

Don’t be athletic,
Don’t be lazy.

Don’t be loving,
Don’t be aloof.

Don’t be cold,
Don’t be warm.

Don’t be selfish,
Don’t be selfless.

Don’t be thoughtful,
Don’t be thoughtless.

Don’t be faithless,
Don’t be faithful.

Don’t be hopeless,
Don’t be hopeful.

Don’t be active,
Don’t be inactive.

Don’t be different,
Don’t be indifferent.

Don’t be considerate,
Don’t be inconsiderate.

Don’t be honest,
Don’t be lying.