Us

A brief story of our life.

We didn’t need a second chance. Not one moment of it, we were in love from the very beginning to the very last moment of our lives. Nobody doubted us; nobody ever wondered if we were doing well, we were always the love birds. Without trying we built the happiest marriage that many ever had a chance to view, let alone be a part of. The spaces in between time and existence are filled with our love and they always will be. I love you more than you can ever believe, and I will be with you soon, just close your eyes and I promise when they open I’ll be there. I love you Amelia, you are my very being, my soul is your soul and my heart is your heart. Soon…your lips and mine will find each other once more, perhaps under the barn light once again, or at the altar in the hall of red and purple, or in the clean room with our first born in our arms, or at the field when he left us for a better world, or in the office when we first heard, or at the funeral when I said my last goodbye to you in this life.

Our life was spectacular and I don’t regret one moment, one decision, one mistake, none of it. Because it reminds me of you, it IS you, you and me, together forever in the memories of a sad old man sitting alone on his porch as the rock nears. You don’t remember the day they first found it, we were planning a party for our son, his fourth, and his little plastic spurs mirrored the western theme he had begged us for. You were finishing the cowboy hat cupcakes and wearing your yellow and green sundress you bought in San Diego. The first summer breeze of the year always brings that memory back to me, and I can taste your lips, wet from the punch yet warm. I’ll never forget that day, your face, your hands, your eyes, and your heartbeat. I don’t know why this memory lingers on that moment of the day when so much more had happened. I still feel guilty that my mind wanders to your beauty and not the loss that we suffered. My mind feels as if it must linger over your beauty before it turns to the harsh reality of that day. The last moment I saw my son. The last time I hugged and kissed him. Our last family picture. The moment you looked into my eyes as you realized what it all meant. The moment you knew the only thing we have ever loved more than each other was taken from us. The moment you realized that he had become part of our very souls, just as we had of one another. The morning you woke up, knowing you would never feel complete again. The morning you looked me in the eye and told me what you were going to do. The dead look in your eyes broke what was left of me. The gray was there, but the light of it all had left, there was nothing but a deepened, broken soul left in place. I took you to the same place your grandmother went. You hated me for it; you told me every chance you had. You said you didn’t want to be with me anymore and that I couldn’t stop you from doing what you wanted. That you never loved me and it was all a lie, that our marriage was a fluke, and the only thing that ever mattered was Evan.

I visited every day for seven years. Every single day you would said no to my visit and leave me waiting in the room until they told me it was time to leave. I asked your doctors about you but you had advanced far enough to un-sign me as your medical caretaker. I’ll never forget the moment I realized I had lost the other part of my soul. That the only light I was clinging too didn’t want to be that light anymore, but an empty room in a rundown house. I cried that night. I loaded the gun. I went as far as removing the safety, but another memory leaked into my head, the summer at the cabin out west, our very first vacation together. We were nineteen years old and just out of our first year in college. I had met you there, and we became inseparable. It was everything I could have ever imagined, young love more powerful than that of those who had spent entire lifetimes together. Our love was so indescribable it baffled anyone around us. The moment you fell into my arms off the tree swing is the moment I knew I was going to propose to you someday. And the moment after when you kissed me is when I knew you’d say yes. I never doubted the power of our love; I know it is far beyond science, reality, or religion to describe. When we look at one another, we just know, we know that our souls were meant for one another, that without the others we would never be complete, that we would forever be okay, because the other was with us.

I stopped visiting. I don’t know why. I got angry. I couldn’t be sad anymore; I had been reduced to less than nothing. I could barely take care of myself. I couldn’t bring myself to talk, I rarely ate, I became a shell of who I was. Because who I was, was YOU. I am nothing without you, because our souls were made together, and without the other we are broken. I regret that decision e very day of my life. I never remarried. I found a home in Idaho and settled down working for a small farming company. I didn’t take vacations. My days off consisted of grocery shopping and reading. The people came and went; the town grew into a city, and that city into a metropolis. But I stayed the same, always broken, always alone, always waiting. I had hoped that you would call one day. I had hoped you would get better; that somehow that light would come back into your eyes and you would only want to see my face. I dreamed of you every night, without fault every night of my life was painted with the image of your face. They called three days ago. You never got better. You only got worse, and you became even less of who you were than I. I told them I couldn’t come in to do the paperwork. I told them to send it to the city to take care of. I won’t be around long enough to finish anyways. My mistake was not joining you. I should have been locked up with you. I should have been with you through every troubled moment of anger, sorrow, and hatred. Maybe I should have brought more hope; maybe I should have been stronger. I’ll never know. What I know now is that this world isn’t real without you, I need to follow you into the darkness, and maybe that light at the end of the tunnel is going to be your face.

I love you Amelia. I hope the next time I open my eyes I see you. And our lips meet. I hope that Evan is there. That we can be together as we should have been. It won’t be a second chance, but a chance we were never given. Open your eyes, here I come my love…

Author's Note

I just scribbled this down when I was letting my mind wander. I just wanted to know what people think about it, don't worry about grammar, does the story make you want to keep reading? Do you experience changes in emotions because of the story?

Reviews

[Mackenzie Palma]

This was incredible. I think you really captured the truth about love. I really like that you start out by talking about how perfect love is, almost idolizing it. You talk about how completely in love you two are. But then you turn it and start talking about how controlling love is. You become so completely and utterly in love with someone that you eventually feel like without them, you're nothing. It's terrible to get to this point but in a positive sense, it's incredible that you can be so incredibly infatuated by one single human. Great work. I really enjoyed reading this piece. I actually read it a few times over. Keep up the great work

[Southern Cross]

O.K. tears...I'm a sucker for love and endurance and never truly letting go...I was along for the ride..the roller coaster through it all..and never wanted to get off Thank you for this emotional read

[...]

. i'm moved to tears ...

. this is so real ... i feel like i'm reading the mind of the narrator ...

. and experiencing all that he is experiencing ...