Life and love

Life, love and the people we care about are really the same things.

May you live as long as you love,

and love as long as you live.

For life and love go hand in hand,

as lovers go out upon the land.

So play your role and save your soul,

for the one who makes you smile.

Keep your sight on your own great light,

your face is the window to your soul.

When tempers flare with anger there,

it is you who will decide.

That deep within for life and kin,

your soul will be your guide.

For life is short, yet far away,

when building for that final day.

For now we walk to that light so grand,

with our hearts first love, hand in hand.

Author's Note

My first poem and I wrote it when I was a little on the melancholy side. I think my meaning is a little clearer now, but if I'm over editing, please let me know.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

Writing is always a therapeutic remedy for melancholy. It can very much save lives from sinking into the true darkness. I thoroughly enjoyed this. Your alternating of rhymes and blank verse is very well executed and you pull it off nicely. I have three small notes for you, if you don't mind:

- "....your own great light" (remove "great". A- it's unnecessary and B- it mars the musicality a little).
- "....that light so true" (since you're not going to rhyme with "true", find a better way to write the line where you would instead end in "light" which I feel is the more powerful word in this case).
- Again, "hand" is not rhyming with anything, so it shouldn't end the line due to a lack of power. In this instance, "love" and "home" have far more power, for "hand" just seems like something merely placed for the sake of the syllable count and/or metre. There's no real antecedent that justifies its place in the stanza or as a final word. Such could easily be fixed with a change in the second "and" to an "in", but it really depends on what you want to convey in the message. Whatever it may be, I can simply say that the final line is not completely conveying it, because "love" has been repeated enough throughout the poem for its presence to be justified, "home" is a word with enough power to justify its presence, but "hand" just seems like filler to me right now, so I advise you to look into that.

Otherwise, this is a great first poem! You tapped into your melancholy, and it delivered. Well done!

[barleygirl]

I am damn impressed, if this is your first poem! It took me YEARS to get the hang of doing that steady rhythmic thing in poetry! Your rhyme & rhythm are strong, especially for a beginner. Your message is a little bit on the simplistic side (not a bad thing) . . . as you continue writing, you can add more layers to such a message, reflecting the true nature of life, which has ups & downs & contrasts & more! Your message is heartfelt & full of earnest hopefulness (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[GregoryM]

Wow, high praise indeed! Thanks barleygirl, I appreciate your candor and your HUGS!!

[Akash gaikwad]

Perfect rhyming with a powerful message. Love this simple and short poetry.❤❤

[Onlyme]

Beautiful written and flows with such ease and grace. Deep mean and profound. Love it.

[GregoryM]

Thanks! It was a pleasure to write and I'm happy that others enjoy it.