THERE'S A TEENAGER IN THE HOUSE

I didn't know that there is a teenager in our house until last Monday's incident. As a parent and an educator who have been expose to various upbringing of kids and teenagers alike, I never thought that I would be trapped into this parents- child conflict scenario. I thought my dealing with my boys seems to be okay. I thought I have perfectly done my responsibility as a mother. I thought everything that I have done for my sons are well appreciated by them. Nevertheless, I found out that those are all presumptions. It hurt me too much....I cried....cried silently and deeply yet I have to make things as usual as if I never knew and I didn’t have the idea.

It all started this way. I have two precious sons. My eldest son is eleven years older than my youngest. Definitely, clash of choice and differences are expected.  However my husband and I tried to manage these differences until lately, we found out the lukewarm manner of our eldest. He prefers to be alone. He has more time with his friends than with us. He prefers to face the computer than conversing with anyone in the household. He is often silent and seems irritable. He didn’t bother to appreciate everything that we bought for him. Simply, he said no thanks, no comment, nothing at all. A shrug of his shoulder gave us an idea that he doesn’t like it or a short nod if he affirms. But his dad and I still manage to understand. I often said to his dad," Well, maybe he has a lot of pressure in school". True, he is very active in school. He joined a lot of school org from student council to school paper staff to peer facilitators and the like. He has a good standing in school behaviorally and  just a bit in academics. That made me think that everything is seems to be okay.

However last night’s text message woke me up from all this assumptions: " Stupid family....I want to run away from home..... my parents are not proud of me....they are all busy , no time for me at all, we have so many indifferences."

I cried. I don’t know what to do. Should I confront him or get mad at him or should I let him realize what we have done for him? I end up crying and find time talking everything to his dad. We talk, we evaluate our performance as parents, and we do some sort of parental check. Along the way we found out that everything that we thought is okay are really the other ways around. We thought that the usual routine we have done at home and in the family are definitely fine. We found out that we were wrong, because there is already a TEENAGER IN THE HOUSE. My eldest son needs an attention other than my three years old youngest. He needs more mature talk and conversation. He needs an adult treatment and attention. He needs a friend more rather than a parent. He needs us to be his friend.
I have come to realize that we forget to see their age differences as we handle them both. His dad and I still thought that we have two babies in the house.

We were wrong. Now we know that we have a teenager, and we must have to treat him that way. We failed and stumble however we manager to get up because our son help us to see the reality. Now , we have a lot to make up for the lost moments. Thank you son.....We are always proud of you, my baby, oppssss my TEEN. 

Reviews

[therisa]

Not matter, how old we kids get, parents always seems to treat us, as well...kids. It takes alot of courage to admit to one's mistakes. Am hoping your eldest son, realizes the effort, you and your husband are making towards him. Thank you, for sharing this, with us.

[Some Random Person.]

wow... Tells of a mother's point of view, instead of a child's. Good story.