Chapter 1 : Missing

Kayo looked up at the sky with an apprehensive expression on her face, Regel was observing her closely, aware of the pain she was suppressing in her heart. It had been now three months since Kayo's brother Syon went missing. It was a similar evening three months ago when they had received the news, just the weather was bit cold. Regel remembered everything very clearly, she had a sharp memory.

They both were sitting outside the small cottage , it was twilight and the sky was changing colors, Kayo still lost in watching the sky with pain clutching her heart had now tears in her eyes. Regel knew it was useless to distract her and busied herself with her own thoughts.
Regel was the sixteen year old daughter of Kayo's uncle who worked in the city of Thedoen, he left his only daughter here under his brother's care as the tension inside Thedoen increased after the mysterious assasination of Since Alke, resulting in riots and many unpleasant events. The day, exactly five months ago, when Regel arrived at this valley to stay at her uncle's place was the day Syon, Kayo's twin brother was leaving for Meret. He was not only one, there was a group of 8 young men including Syon who were to journey to Meret in answer to the call for help. The city needed volunteers to help the victims of the earthquake and the 22 year old zealous Syon eagerly joined the team when he found out about it.

The rehabilitation at Meret was going well, Syon had wrote in the only letter they received from after his departure. Meret was a wonderful place, and he was proud to work with and for the people here, he wrote. And that they were to start their journey back home on 20th of December, but when they were eager to finally see his face again, all they received was a news from a bewildered companion of Syon that he went missing during their return journey, near a small town where they were staying for the night. They waited for him for few hour next day, then went to search for him, enquired the town people but on one had seen him. Failing to find him they finally reported to the local authorities who took them very seriously as they had letter from Meret's Prince in case they need any help.

He said that there were searches going on for Syon, and after investigating the remaining of Syon's team, authorities allowed them to go back.

''Let's go inside Regel,'' Kayo spoke suddenly, making Regel come out of her memories with a start. ''Looks like it's going to rain.'' Said Kayo. And Regel was surprised to see the sky cloud with dense clouds that was clear just few moments ago.

Author's Note

Characters, names, places are imaginary and work of fiction.
P.S: Any grammatical errors? What impression the first chapter gave? I tried to provide an introduction and image of some of the main characters, hope I was successful.

Reviews

[C. Rose]

Rehabilitation usually means an individual's recovery - did you perhaps mean reconstruction?

I did not get a strong impression of Kayo - perhaps that she is quiet/spacy but she is also longing for her brother so it was difficult to tell if her quietness was due to the circumstance or her personality.

I got the impression that Regel is the time to be concerned for and look after friends and family, but is at heart lonely. Not sure where the lonely impression came from.

Sentence length variation. Breaking up the sentence structure with easily digestable short sentences increases readability. Especially in your first two paragraphs you are heavy handed with the run ons. I am not saying rip up all the run ons into tiny parts - that would be too choppy. I suggest you have one, tops two, extra long sentences per paragraph and all the rest should be only a single or double clause.

You can feel this worry triangle between Syon-Kayo-Regel that ought to hook the reader into your universe. Good job portraying that.

[M.K. Jawdat]

Thank you so much for your helpful review

[S. Barber]

I like it. After dialogue that ends in a period ("Looks like it's going to rain.") you don't need to capitalize the first word after that.

[melissa]

This is a great chapter i can't wait to read more keep up the great work and keep sending me more to read

[M.K. Jawdat]

thanks a lot. Thrilled to hear that you liked it

[melissa]

Your welcome

[M.K. Jawdat]

Chapter 3 has also been posted. Hope you'll enjoy

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

Love the story so far, can't wait to read more. :-)

Kaze~

[M.K. Jawdat]

Thanks a lot. Chapter 2 has been just added. Hope you'll like

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Your very welcome. :-)

[wordman]

you are doing a great job on this book I enjoyed the read
ron

[M.K. Jawdat]

Thank you, will try to make it better and next chapter will be published soon

[Kasey Miriam]

This Is a great start. In the editing process I would try to bring it alive some more. Thats just a suggestion of what I try to do. I like it so far good job.

[M.K. Jawdat]

Thank you so much