Bed.

A letter from my bed.

Dear Brianna,
I don't know how to start this, i know it's been a while since we really talked and i don't quite know how to start it out. We've been friends for about two and a half years now and that's all fine and dandy and i'm really glad we are, but i need to get some stuff straight with you.
1. I am a bed, not a desk or a table, treat me accordingly, this means do not put food from dinner on me, do not put old papers and don't do art projects on me. That means no scissors or beads. Scissors can easily harm my sheets and i love you and i know it can harm you too and i just couldn't live with myself knowing i let you get hurt while you were sleeping on me. I can't stand it when beads or food crumbs get in my sheets, isn't that uncomfortable for you too? I'm just wondering.
2. Wash me. Seriously, how would you like it if your clothes never got washed? I understand your washer and dryer are broken right now but seriously, it's been months. It's gross.
3. I really hate when you don't fix the comforter when it's all twisted and when you don't sleep with a sheet. It makes me feel bare and uncomfortable. Would you like to go about your daily life wearing a backwards shirt with no bra? I don't think so.
4. Speaking of what you're wearing. It makes me a little embarrassed when you only sleep in a bra and panties, i just, i'm a dude, you know? I'm not even gay. So lets mark that boundry there, wear a shirt. And please don't leave your bras hanging on me, they make me feel like you don't respect me or my feelings. I'm not a girl.
6. And i'm going to let this one slide because it's kind of what we were made for, but i do, honestly get a little nervous when you masturbate on me. What if i squeak? I could get you in a lot of trouble. It's just a lot of pressure. I guess this one is all up to me. I just felt you should know. But don't do it on Toilet, i'll get jealous. Or in Shower.
5. And back to cleanliness, can you try really hard to not bleed on me? I know you can't help it, your vagina's bleeding, but just try?

Yours Truly,
Bed.
PS. You sleep talk an awful lot.