If I Were Better.

Self hate

When I cry,
I cover my ears,
I pull my hair,
I fall to my knees,
I get up only to stagger a few steps and fall again,
With one thought screaming in my head,
If I were better.
Again,
If I were better.
And again and again,
Until the acid is eating my stomach and I'm positive I hate myself,
If I were better this wouldn't be happening,
If I were better he wouldn't be upset,
If I were better I could be what he needs,
If I were better I could help him,
If I were better I would have noticed,
If I were better I wouldn't be failing,
If I were better no one would be having these thoughts,
If I were better, would I need to be dead?
If I were better I would know.

Author's Note

i think it's one of my favorites just because it portrays my thoughts when i'm at my weakest so well, what i'm sure a lot of people think sometimes.

Reviews

[ruth]

this is a strong piece of writing,
in the beggining i can somehow relate to you, just the way you described it was incredible.
it flowed nicely, and for some reason as i was reading your poem, it had like a certain melody to it, as if it were a song..
great poem
-ruth