I Loved Him

An excerpt taken from a journal entry about a boy I once loved very much.

He changed me. He took everything hiding in the shadows of my consciousness and he brought it to the light. He shook me harder than I knew I could be shaken. He cracked my very being open so deeply that I had no choice but to let the light in.

And today I realized that I really did love him. Despite the fact that I wish I didn't, I did. I did love him because I want him to be happy. I wish every good, real, peaceful, joyous thing to happen to him. I wish him lots of snuggles, and kisses, and words of appreciation. I wish him laughter, and a beautiful wedding, and tiny footprints in the morning yelling "daddy, daddy!" I want these things for him even if they don't involve me. And this is how I know I truly, truly, loved him.