Shook Up.

I have never put anything too toxic

into my body. At least, for extended periods of time.

I smoked once for a while, to prove a point.

then quit cold turkey to prove an even bigger one.

I’ll admit I’ve drank once or twice.

something I’ll bite my tongue and admit even more

that yes I’ve lied about that.

But I’ve never ingested drugs.

or pot. or anything, which is a feat itself

coming from where I come from.

I’ve been good to my body.

A few scars, yes. Littering my arms, a graffiti

of my rebellion against the main stream that

always leads down stream, my loud refusal to

           drown.

 

yet.

here I am. 19. Broken.

Physical therapy twice a week.

pain killers to even dream of sleep.

Hunched over like a shriveled old widow.

my body was, is my temple.

and I was not the one to wreck it.

I spent years laying flowers before my skin,

stretching arthritis bound genetically effed over muscles.

hours of living under 70spf to keep cancer

at bay. Never too much fatty food, working

out every time I felt like I needed it.

 

 

yet.

fast over a hill, or slow for me,

head lights that came out of no where,

with no sign of stopping. The smell of rubber

as the tread on my tires tried its hardest

to slow me down. To no avail. Crash. Crunch.

a few moments I don’t remember. My CD skipping.

breath catching. Seat belt, a new found friend, dug

into my chest. When did I start leaning like this?

My posture thrown to the dogs, and I hunch over my

steering wheel, wow my palms look pale.

Knocking. Hello? Can I open this door m’am?’

where is he? Did he hit me too? Are we all

caught like this? Salvation. I see him. Corner of my

eye there he is. My breath catches again.

I am fine. right? Of Course. I’m invincible. Duh.

Quick hand movement, undo the latch, heart

rate fast. Door opens. There you[he] is. Heart still

pounding. Lets sit down. Sounds like a plan

so off to the side I stumble, fumble, fall

my way down. Its cold. Lights still on. Red truck

smeared, I wonder what my car looks like.

cold. cold. Shiver. Heart still losing track of how its

supposed to be beating. where am I?

Most accidents happen with in 10 minutes of home.

so I must be close. Lose track again for a second.

catch up again. Call the police. Another car, headlights

now off. keys somewhere, not my hands. Cooler. Harsh

acidic smell of beer. She stumbles. Fat. red pants. I think?

alcohol. Chest hurts. My heart is not supposed to go

this fast. Hip aches. Body no longer responding the way

it should be. I never wear my seat belt. Love you saved me.

Tears now. Unstoppable. Streaming. Sobbing but silent.

No this isn’t me. I can look down and see slouched against

the tree. Cold still. Cops. Call the EMT’s this one needs to

be looked at. Hysterical.
Hospital. Head board. Tightly tied down, soothing voices.

I lose sight of his face and it goes somewhere from there.

the drive is long. but short. take vitals.

ER, must be. Have to pee, can barely stand, they let me do it

anyway. Stumble across hall, relief. Breath slower. Mom. More

tears. Heart aches still. I. Am. Alive.

Doctors. Yes, you seem to be okay. A little beat up.

Him, there. Love. Life it all fits, more tears again.

Stay with me.                    Hours pass.

State Trooper. Funny guy. I can’t really piece it all together.

missing pieces. I must be going crazy. But you’re still holding my

hand and I can do anything.

Survive. Home. Lay down with me, keep me safe. Food.

Sleep. Wake up, hurting more. Still in love.

 

 

 

 

I took such good care of myself.

And someone else pulled out and shook

everything up. For a reason I guess,

right God?

Reviews

[Jon Cooper]

I love it dear! It's very vivid without too much detail. It's great.

I love these parts:
"I've been good to my body.
A few scars, yes. Littering my arms, a graffiti
of my rebellion against the main stream that
always leads down stream, my loud refusal to
drown."

"I never wear my seat belt. Love you saved me."

"State Trooper. Funny guy. I can't really piece it all together.
missing pieces. I must be going crazy. But you're still holding my
hand and I can do anything.
Survive. Home. Lay down with me, keep me safe. Food.
Sleep. Wake up, hurting more. Still in love."

It's great dear :]
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