All I can get.

hunger pains hit my chest hard.

shrimp is meat.

just fyi.

 

I hate feeling like I might do something stupid,

because I have $400 worth

of narcotics rotting in my dresser

car crash after effect I guess,

also the reason I spent 3 days lying

that I was not suicidal.

Cause I’m not. yet

                I still want to fall asleep

and forget how                                 suddenly

                     like a bomb shell

my chest  caves and I give in.

 

I told myself I wouldn’t.

Said I was giving it up, and made

my will power do summersaults’.

But I am getting tired and I just can’t

keep it up.

               

I guess it’d count as breaking edge, right?

I guess I’m not strong enough.

I suppose in the end, I was right,

I’m never enough.

you’ll see it here soon and I wish

                I wish..

I wish I could hide my weakness under

anything but more scars.

anything but more of my liver being displeased

with my poison intake.

 

I hurt.

I bleed.

yes I play a crazy strong

                front.

but I am not running as strong

as I thought.

It always sideswipes me.
Catches me off guard

and knocks me off my feet.

 

I am not okay.

 

goaway.

 

 

 

 

 

I am about to do something bad.

I am staring that in the face, and

this moment is where i could turn around

and say no. I could dig my feet into the

ground

and decide that I’ll be stronger than

anyone thinks I can be. Be as strong as i am

supposed to be.

But I am glaring at this harm I’m about to cause

and I am smiling with tears in my eyes

because I have a habit of flirting with disaster.

I hate don’t like this. I don’t like any of it.

I am not enough.

I keep dropping weight, forgetting that whole

idea of a meal here and there and yes,

i am happy. I am in love and I have the chance

to get it all.

but I am disaster waiting to happen, come on
stay around long enough and you’ll see it first hand.

please.

I am about to ruin this.

 

 

I want my good mood back, please?

where are the people in charge,

cause this night has gone terribly wrong.

And I would like to fix it.

somewhere someone pushed the wrong

button, this rain cloud can’t be meant for me.

 

 

 

 

deep breaths just are cutting it

and I am not the patient type. Time and

I don’t have a habit of getting along.

it seems he has a grudge against me

cause he’s always slowing down when I need

him to speed up and vice versa

its this bad taste game we always play.

 

 

now. now. now. now. Now.

i know I need to not, never, ever again

break the                            skin.

that I should       stop                       and

                quit while i’m ahead.

but what does that mean anyway?

cause I could read that a few different ways.

I guess

I’ll just see how far i’m willing to go

to feel like i can breathe again…

 

keep your fingers crossed,

I’m gonna need all the luck I can get.

Reviews

[Stephanie W.]

This is so personal and well written. I could really feel how I imagine you were feeling when I read your words.

[r]

I wish I could hide my weakness under

anything but more scars.



I hurt.

I bleed.

yes I play a crazy strong

front.

but I am not running as strong

as I thought.

It always sideswipes me.
Catches me off guard

and knocks me off my feet.



I am not okay.



goaway.

wow... my name is rachel also and i can totally relate to you.... especially the part about not wanting anymore scars... emotionally or physically....i dont want another one and i regret ever doing that bs....

[kruser23]

I still want to fall asleep

and forget how suddenly

like a bomb shell

my chest caves and I give in.


I really could relate to alot of this, sometimes i wish i could just sleep it all away,......sleep forever.

good words.

[paradoxical]

What probably got me the most were these lines:

"you'll see it here soon and I wish

I wish..

I wish I could hide my weakness under

anything but more scars."


Thank you for the write.

[Jon Cooper]

I really, REALLY like it...though not so much what it's about...

I liked this "where are the people in charge,
cause this night has gone terribly wrong." a lot.

The whole thing is amazing and I love it. Just know, you've got all my luck on your side as well as your own, ok?

Awesome job dear.