Stuck

I’m fighting really
        hard to keep focused.
Trying my best to keep from
                            drifting.
Cause....
    everyone keeps telling me that I should
                    [NEED TO] do this.

“Get your degree”
“Start up your life!!”

Why does my life
        only have to start
                when I’ve lost my drive by rotting away
                in a closet of a class room?

I can no keep this up.
I HAVE to do this.
  HAVE to complete these...
               mundane tasks..
  So the world will accept me.


But.
      I’d rather not.
Right now.
            I just want to save the world.
I’d like to run off to Africa and
            HELP
[Instead]
I am
         stuck
    here.
Twiddling my thumbs.
Sucking in air, absorbing SPACE
    but not making anything from it.
     I’m not accomplishing
        anything.
Sitting here,
    I’ve produced nothing,
    changed nothing.
I am useless.
    I FREAKING
        sell clothes
    to snotty mean teenagers

Admittedly
  I can make someone
    smile with a compliment
     I can scribble out
    sonnets, love
        anything...
    with ink onto paper....

But..
    Who’s world am I changing?
Who’s life is monumentally
        moved, altered
by my rotting
    brain here in
this dim closed
        over filled
    ugly
     room?
This “class room”?
    What am I
        learning here?
Hearing someone else
        just...        talking?

I want to be
          moving.
    evolving.
        changing the world
                around me.


Cause.
     who’s life am I saving here?

Reviews

[No]

wonderful.
i know this poem sounds hopeless, and i can feel the frustration in your voice. you may not be changing the world of the people who need it most, but you are changing the lives of people you don't even know. when you write, people listen and they take it to heart, tasting it and digesting it as it moves to feel inside our intestines. words like this, feed us, feed me, and keep me going to live another day, so i can work and evolve to one day save the lives of those who need us.
i know exactly what you mean. people screaming in your ear to get off your a*s and get a life, get a job, move out, do something for jesus sake. and in all that chaos, you get so confused that you forget what you want or what you were supposed to do in the first place. so you just sit and wait for some moment of inspiration that will most likely never come. i've been there. it's a tough place, and you illustrate it beautifully for those of us who have never been.
you want to be moving, changing, but you can't figure out which way to go.
you want to be living, thriving, but you've got no idea where to start.
you want to be saving, making a name, but you've got no foundation to begin with.
we've got to start at the bottom and dig our way out of this earth.

favorite lines:
I HAVE to do this.
HAVE to complete these...
mundane tasks..
So the world will accept me.


But.
I'd rather not.
Right now.
I just want to save the world.

and

"Cause.
whose life am i saving here?"

[Khance]

A part of me really wants to agree with your sentiment in the poem. However, there is a part of me that wants to just leap out and scream, "We all have to do it..."

Some of us willingly stick ourselves so that we can make the world better for others and even ourselves when we become unstuck. You probably dont understand what i mean by that, but im of the strong opinion that if you do the time and conform to the reality of others, eventually you'll be able to work the system and make yourself happy.

When i had to work on a building site to help pay the bills, i hated it, i was offered a full time position to earn more than any of my friends. Stop being a student and earn real money. I didnt know what i wanted to do with my life back then, and i still dont know... but i do know that i made the most of the situation and opened a shop on the building site (completely illegal) It was an experience that i never would have imagined... but it helped make me who i am today, 5 years later, im now studying in France doing an Honours Degree in Marketing and E-business learning about direct sales.

Ive met people i never would have imagined existed and i have no regrets. Now, im sure this is all easy to say... but we are all faced with choices in life. Who knows what would have happened if i left school to stay on that site? You have to make your own decisions in life... be yourself... do your own thing.

(The above was probably of no help whatsoever, but you know how much i love talking about myself, Rachel)

[EMP]

i love this poem so much. it's exactly how i feel and i love the way you've put it all into words! well done :)

[Ananke]

And I love how you crossed out "I can not keep this up" so original.

[Ananke]

This is great! One of my favorites that you have written. That pressure to live up to the status quo, to walk the line, fall in with the crowd. All these things society tells us are valuable tend to live a bitter taste in our mouths when we obtain them.
"when I've lost my drive by rotting away in a closet of a class room?" I love that line, its really thought provoking and for me the term "closet" seems to be referring to more than just the size of the classroom. This poem reminds me of a quote by Oscar Wilde- "that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."

On a cheesy positive note; the ability to make someone smile can change at least one person's world.

[Laura E. Aranda]

FAVORITE
TO MY LIBRARY THIS PIECE GOES..........
I know how you feel completely!
Just breath every day in and out and accept it...enjoy it
Life changes so fast!!!!!!!

[Tim Lawless]

This is awesome. I know almost exactly how you feel. I hate feeling like I'm not doing anything to make a difference...but if you think God's calling you to do something, it may just be a matter of time. In fact, I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

[dilettante1890]

I love the playful way this was written--it offsets the urgency of the subject. And boy, have I been there!

[Michael Handel]

This is really beautiful Rachel! To say I can relate would seem kind of tacky so I'll abstain....but this really was beautiful, and well-written, and honest, and I've been/am there even at the old age of twenty-six. Yoy rock Rachel!

[Parker Pearl]

this is incredible. so honest, so true...thank you for this, you've expressed things i haven't been able to in my own life. wonderful stuff.