Loving you

Sobs quake through me, crying that I can only
recognize as mine because I can feel my car
shaking as I try to keep driving.
I should,
in fact, pull over.
But I can
not.
Getting as far away
as physically possible,
before you get there,
that is the simplest
[the only]
 goal.
Just...
    Hearing your name.

How could it crumple the walls
I had built over the immense hole
in my chest?

And..
 I can not breathe.
And I am not as scared
as I should be.
The idea that maybe, going
            almost
                70 miles
                    per hour
    while tears are
        streaming from my eyes
may not be a good thing,
doesn’t even phase me.    
All I can think about,
    all that is flashing through my mind
        [when I close
        my eyes to possibly
        slow the tears.
        While I’m still
        driving too
                fast.]
Is that if I were to hit a tree
            or if plunged off the rail less bridge
    It would not matter
as much as it [probably] should.
Because.
There is this hollow chasm in the
center of me.
And even though I know
    that I can with out a    
            doubt
    survive this.

I don’t know if I want to.

Because,
I can still feel you.
    Still feel that it was all different with
                    you.
The words of love..    they were truer than
    I knew they could be.
You opened me up.
    Spilt all the stupid stuff
        I’d kept inside for too long
            out.
And now I can’t shove it
        all back
            in.


I am a broken cause.
Un
love
able.



And I am sorry.
I am sorry.
But I still can’t
    help
but
    Loving
    you.

Reviews

[~amanda~]

oh my god. this is absolutely beautiful! i love the part about how you should pull over, but you want to get as far away as possible.

genius!! this is one of my favorite poems ive read on here! thanks for sharing!

[Michael Handel]

This is really deep. I admire poetry and poets like this/you. The opening:"Sobs quake through me" quaked through me. You had me at sobs..jk. This is excellent Rachel...thanks for your poetic bravery.