Hiatus

this is me on my hiatus from dating.
6 month minimum of me without anyone
but me.
And this, this is the loneliness setting in
when I see you walk into work and remember
how much I miss the feeling of a hug.        
                                a kiss.
                        how much I miss the feeling of
                        skin on skin.
Not only am I missing the contact,
I am starving for the trust that I used
to be able to throw around.
Yet, I can see my reliance on the human
race laying lifeless on the floor. Crushed
by too many lies and so much built
up hope that never was answered.

And.
I will stand this alone.
        Yet.
Seeing you walk into the store, your
sleeve showing just a bit,
the way talking to you
always put me at ease. What the hell
                                is this?
I thought, I could have SWORN
that I was over all of this needy
                        depending
                        wanting
                        Loving
                                s**t.

And even though I thought that,
here I am anyway, fighting the urge
to call you, message you, anything...
just to confess.
Tell you that, yes, I am the girl
that will love your tattoos just as
much as you do.
That I am the girl who will
drive around with you in your
Jeep and forget the rest of the world.

But what the HELL am I doing here?
Sitting here, realizing that just earlier
tonight, I could barely stand
to have someone touch my back,
and I am begging to be loved again?

I am broken, abused, the type of girl
that you�d never bring home to you mother.
Never tell your family that
                        �Hey, I
                                love her�
That just isn�t the style of
woman I am. Not the variety of person
that your mother is going to be
ecstatic about.
Can�t you see the scars that cover
all of my arm? Cause I can.
                And I�m not the type
                        to hide
                                who I am.
Because the crazy thoughts
in my head, they still spill out.
But, sitting here by my computer
I�d like to think, that maybe,
                        someday.
You would be able to SEE me.
Be able to look at me,
and realize that there is a special
beat in my heart that is just
                        for you,
                        only for you.

Reviews

[Brian 'Yeti' Fields]

This is ridiculousy amazing. I too am taking a hiatus from dating, so I understand the confusion you talk about in the first part of the poem. I also understand the inner struggle of seeing someone you just KNOW would be perfect for you, yet not sure whether or not to go after them.

"I thought, I could have SWORN
that I was over all of this needy
depending
wanting
Loving
s**t. "

Amazingness in black text, right there.

"And I'm not the type
to hide
who I am. "

This line hits me because I am the same way. I'm the Johnny Cash to most girls Carter family. I think that a person should not have to change for anyone, no matter who they are or how they're brought into your life.

Anyway, amazing piece of writing kiddo. I've been reading it bit and bit for awhile, and finally sat down and read it all together today. You have a magical way with words, and your aesthetic layout (the offset lines and whatnot) make me jealous to no end.

[Khance]

You are sooo lucky im not using your other poems as a reference point for this :P

You certainly changed the mood here and expressed a new emotion in your stuff that i havent seen from you before. It was a compelling piece since it breaks the mould. Something any of your fans may appreciate. It has hopeful lust and a passionate lonely feel to it that i found easy to relate to.

I wanted to hug the main character, simply put. I felt the misunderstood confusion and the frustration in the emotions and i wanted to be there to make everything feel okay, but i know from reading this character i wouldnt get even close to that.

The realistic quality in the wording of depending, wanting, loving... s**t. Shows the unwillingless to be seen so weak, especially around someone you thought you could live without. It was a good read. Not your best by far, but essentially a more diverse poem that i really liked.

[Shapeshifter]

I must say, I felt your anger, frustration, and excommunication coming through and I loved it. The total heart on sleeve, earnest, bloody style is done incredibly well. I hope the person feeling it can reconcile the past in their heart and mind. Amazing read. B

[David]

I love reading a straight forward poem. It's very refreshing to not have to search through hidden meaning. Thanks for putting all that emotion out there. I think this is the type of poem that helps the mind.

[A LaDy NaMeD D]

I hope he does to. I've been there before, when i said i was going to go solo for a while. *it does help*, but it's still hard. Especially when you see someone you love, who has hurt you everyday. And you wonder...when will he realize that i love him, and will do anything for him. That i wouldn't hurt him?. It flowed nicely, in the being it was kind of rough, but you smoothed it out towards the end. I think you have a typo *not sure lol* if you do, when you read over it you'll find it. This was a good read.

Danni J