The noise.

dreaming

The stairs creaked.
She woke up with a start.
With a pain in her heart.
Behind her, the noise escalated.
Her door was barricaded.
She was trapped. Forever.
Maybe she should surrender.
No, she must keep going.
She stopped for a second.
The door was glowing.
She heard a scream.


but it was all a dream.

Author's Note

tell me do you like rhyming ones?

Reviews

[Alessander]

Here's how I would edit it, if it were mine:

The stairs creaked.
She woke up with a start.
With a jab in her heart.
Behind her, the noise escalated.
Her door - barricaded.
She was trapped. Forever.
She maybe should surrender.
But she keeps going.
Then stops suddenly.
The door was glowing.
She heard a scream.


They're minute changes, and probably more preferences than anything else, so just see it more as a possibility than an "improvement". The last line I would omit entirely because 1) that theme has been done to death 2) not having it would actually create a bit more ambiguity, like a dream, and perhaps make it edgier too. 3) if you were going for 3 lines that end with the "e" sound/rhyme, then perhaps "suddenly" can fill in for that rhythm? If you want to hint to the reader that it was all a dream, the title could mention something about a dream

Don't know, like I said, just an option. As for the rhymes, like Makosica already observed, some are slant or feminine while others true or masculine, but I didn't think they got in the way or anything.

For such a concise poem, it has a lot of layers, which is refreshing. Often times poem drone on and on, and I just skip to the end, but here, I actually wanted more (even though I cut the last line out lol). Good stuff!

[Tony]

I love rhyming poems-- what your doing here is a mixture of true rhymes and slant rhymes. Just a thought-- if you remove the quote at the beginning then the end line will be more of a surprise. Nice little poem here.

[Mattox]

This is good, I like the rhyming in this. ;)
-Mattox