Change.

A poem I wrote a long, long time ago. I think.

Little kids wander round the garden.
Stepping out of time.
Laughing.
Enjoying life.
In the window above,
A girl.
Wishing she were them.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar.

Reviews

[Alessander]

Very short, but full of imagery. It's almost like a haiku, or a photo - a moment distilled in time. We must be on the same wave length, as I too have written about this same exact scene recently, but it has been ruminating in me for a while.

Anyhow, it's always tough to critique such short pieces, but I guess the one suggestion I can offer is to change the last line. I think "Wishing she were them" is a bit too explicit - maybe something more implicit, like

A girl.

Watching over them, and sighing

(though sighing perhaps is a bit too trite and sentimental, but you get the gist:P)

Anyhow, that's my two cents. I actually think the irregular grammar adds a bit of instability to this piece.

Oh, and hello Makosica! He's a good reviewer, listen to him:)

[Tony]

The sudden contrast in the final line really intensify the feeling of longing, isolation and being left out. Well done and welcome to the site.