M.I.A.

An empty room

on an empty night

an empty dog

with an empty bite

an empty list

of nothing to do

and an empty feeling

to do with you

                   woof, woof,

Reviews

[Carol Cashes]

Day-um! Nicely done....*Nods head regally and strides purposefully away*

[gram linski]

Hey Carol most people walk purposefully away from my writing, lol

[Carol Cashes]

With no form of salute/nod/acknowledgement of respect for skill/ability? That's not only rude, but marks them as sore losers cuz they didn't think to reverse-thesaurus a word. It's brilliant...and I only got a barely noticeable brain twitch hat it never occurred to me...

[gram linski]

Th first comment was a joke, I think, you do have an interesting thought process,

[Carol Cashes]

CRAAAP! I didn't mean to suggest the thesaurus thing is what YOU did - it's the ONLY way I could have constructed anything resembling that concept.

I didn't "flesh" out the self deprecation in my comment and now I feel bad for dash-stylus typng on my phone instead of actually walking into another room and using my laptop.

I'm sorry.

[gram linski]

No worries, brought a smile,

[barleygirl]

I am often skeptical of relying so heavily on one word, such as "empty" . . . but this poem really does it right! The simplicity & the rhythm & rhyme make this feel like lyrics & I especially like this: "empty feeling to do with you" . . . it conjures up so much regret & misery (whether it's a human or a substance, it could be whatever haunts us!) Fondly, Margie

[gram linski]

Thanks, yeah it's the cheats way out, lol, I never really thought about the substance part, but it works well, good thinking, Batgirl, lol

[Paul Bell]

This is one of those moments in time when you've got to many choices.
Then you just sit and do feck all.

[gram linski]

That's the one Paul, a bit of self pity and a fucked tv, great for the pen, not so much the soul,

[Lea Sheryn]

I love it! Simple and sweet.

[gram linski]

Well I wouldn't call it sweet, but I appreciate the comment, lol, thanks Lea,

[Lea Sheryn]

You're welcome, Gram. I liked it.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed the opening two lines set a scene of such a state of vacuum, an airless place of imprisonment. The empty dog, lifeless on the floor simply adds to the monotony of the scene and the whole piece leaves that empty, powerless feeling imprinted.

[gram linski]

Cheers, John, the empty dog was far from lifeless, he was the one writing it down, lol

[Chris Shaw]

The repetition works well. That feeling of emptiness realy came through. Short piece, strong impact. Well done gram.

Chris

[gram linski]

Hey, Chris, glad you liked it nothing wrong with a bit of melancholy wave, lol

[Chris Shaw]

Look at my typos!! I do know how to spell, really I do :)

[John the Baptist]

Romantic love does this to people. If that special person is in some way inaccessible, all is emptiness. It's like an addiction.

[gram linski]

Thanks, John, trying to fill an unfillable hole, missing love and musing

[jacob erin-cilberto]

very effective write in its form...
the short, sharp lines...the repetition of "empty" even the "empty dog"
wish i had thought of that one...
and the ending...who's barking the dog or the speaker..or are they one in the same...


excellent piece, gram...
j.

[gram linski]

Thanks j, they were indeed one and the same, I was the empty dog,