CLOUDLESS

I like to feel the black cloud mind

creeping up my spine,

It makes me feel, that 

all I have is all I need,

all I need is wind and rain,

to heal the bruises of the day,

I know a smile will be brought,

somehow,

from some place,

the trick; to know and

catch the Sun,in the cage

behind my eyes,

The broken back of motivation

meditates

on rocks of sound,

silence hangs the ants,

roaming waspish,

piledriver imprints on the wall,

tension sprung,

chainlink city

rusted into dust

Weight of thought

crushes spine, fingers tingle,

crawling,

dead flesh falling,

inane,

dead speak talk

mimic walk

turn the drum

beating

boom boom 

boom.

Reviews

[Eilis]

Of course I need to review this, but I’m a little nervous because Shazz was here first. He’s an excellent reviewer. Hehe.

Seriously, this is a difficult poem for me. Just emotionally it feels like a Janus-face day where you fight yourself to figure out how to be. The weight of all the scenery that can be interpreted in different ways according to mood or determination. I do feel the fullness of a determination to not let the outer swallow the inner and make it black cloud.

The mind-twist for me is the black cloud mind as the preferable thing. Or the state to strive for. There’s peace in the chaos it seems. An interesting counter to my own conception. But then, sometimes the chaos crowds out other things and we seek the rush of dynamism whether in nature or some other outlet.

I don’t know. I like the two-sided vibe I’m feeling. The city making its mark, but the presence of nature still looming large. Equal measure. Or something like that. Perhaps that’s the balance. Sound and movement. Movement and sound.

[gram linski]

hIow the f**k did you find this, fairly certain I took this down, wow, it's actually 3 poems written in the same moment, there is a spoken word recording I did where I read all three at the same time, movement and sound/sound...

[Eilis]

Well, for starters, I hacked your account. Ha ha. No, I just went all the way to the back page and clicked up one to page 10 and there the poem was.

I hope you’ll let us hear your spoken word piece.

[gram linski]

when I can figure out how to upload a 4 track Tascam online you'll be the first to know,

[gram linski]

strange as it may sound the black cloud mind/abyss mind defined/shadow ghost caught in the corner of your sleep deprived eye has been a constant friend to me, sometimes my only friend, when you realise it means you no harm you can dance in the madness and mischief and poetry, embrace the Loki brain,

[Eilis]

I’ve never thought of it like that, but now that you say it, I can see you’re right. The loneliness of the dark-mind can be brutal, but it doesn’t desert. The shadow ghost caught in the corner of the eye. Yes.

[Robert Trakofler]

I have loads of clouds if you feel the need for some precipitation... Gram:) or if your looking of obscuration I can blow a few cumulous your way too! The wraps of darkness can definitely be a means to the brightest specks of luminosity and open up the things that otherwise would be obscured in the brighter light. As long as you can hang up the darkness robe at the end of day that is hard to wear that all of the time gets kind of heavy and makes for sore shoulders:)

[gram linski]

I do like a bit of cloud trippin' myself, B, I prefer a Nimbus risin', the dark robe can be a heavy load but ironically enough it keeps you warm in the cold

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This indeed has a dark vein flowing through it. The first stanza as the protagonist 'wallows' in their despair, almost welcoming it. The second has a colder feel as the subject feels the heavy cold rocks covered in black crawling creatures and the passage of time as in rust. The third stanza has the feel of resignation, helplessness as the feelings overwhelm and drive into them like that drum.

[gram linski]

Aye, no bad John, 7/10 for effort and understanding, wish I understood what the f**k I was on about, lol

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I suggest Sainsbury's Speyside malt!

[gram linski]

and I counter suggest three hammers white cider,

[John Alexander McFadyen]

That's for piss heids!

[barleygirl]

I am completely taken in by your opening lines (V1). I want to read them over & over, it feels so good in a black mysterious way . . . plus I'm provoked to imagine exactly how such a sequence would feel in real life. After that, your message starts going to a place that's not real clear to me, but I envy you the fluidity & dynamic word choices all along. I love the contrast between your title & your imagery (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[gram linski]

thanks Margie, think it might have been a vodka kinda day, lol

[barleygirl]

I've been swamped by a "HARVESTIME!" kinda smouldering month myself . . .

[gram linski]

is that the Ganj or the actual Harvest Moon, lol

[Shazbatt969]

Intense and immense with the weight of thought crushing spine, and dead speak talk boom boom boom the sense of lonliness and desperation, speaks volumes, a hidden gem

[gram linski]

Cheers Shazbatt, glad you enjoyed, was a hot day