Perfume

I'm right behind the blackout shade

Stoned on cosmetic vestige

My sense of humor's twisted and

I hope you get the message

 

I'm smug because it's Sunday

And you're fledgling back home

Curtsying for grandma's friends

and throwing me a bone

 

Your decay is a perfume, you see

And I know that makes me sick, but

If you hold your breath a little bit

I'll interest you, I think

 

I'm sprawling on the wooden floor

And thudding with the bass

I wish you knew how misunderstood

I am, how it belies my tastes

 

I'll buy you caviar and rancid whale

you can rub in on your neck

I know the sicker that I get you

the more that you'll expect

Reviews

[Perkele.7885]

Well, well, well. I am going to assume that you want this girl to find you interesting but, only on your terms. There is no mention here about meeting her halfway. Short poem does not leave room for a lot of info exchange.The last stanza the crux, the more you give her the more she'll want. I like the poem, even though it reads hard like a tough guy speaking to an underling. You sure the girl wants to play on your level of stimatic taste?

[Thaddius]

it's not a cover letter. it's not objective, not tactful, not intended for a real person, not expressive of my comprehensive POV. It's an exploration into a tiny bit of nature. I'm very bored with the good parts of who I am

[Perkele.7885]

Thaddius, you asked for a review. I gave you a review and all you wanted was to waste my time. Now , I am wasting yours.

[Thaddius]

I appreciate your review. I'm just making the distinction between a critique on my alleged character and a critique of the poem.

[Sultrysoul]

This is amazing and you have to read deep to get it. A pleasure to read

[~]

Thaddius as a bad boy hmmm? What a fun read. I love this side of you! :D

[Thaddius]

hahaha maybe i am, maybe i'm not (i don't use capital letters)

[~]

hehehe, sneaky you :D

[Bluefire]

Twistedly tantalizing. Kept me hooked from beginning to end like a fixating dance.
Well done!

[Thaddius]

thanks! I'm pleased that you are able to bask in something other than knowledge

[Bluefire]

When knowledge no longer visits, you find other ways to entertain yourself. c=
You're welcome.

[Eryn ♪]

It may just be because I just woke up, but I don't really get this, and it feels like you are just trying to string as many bigger words as you can together in the first couple verses.

[Peach]

I have to agree with you... I didn't really understand what he was trying to say in this poem, I don't even know if this is REALLY a poem..

[Thaddius]

Maybe it's Predator, posing as a poem and gathering intelligence on all those readers who's vitals spike when they don't understand something in their left cerebral hemisphere

[Peach]

I still agree with Songfall, her works are really, really, really amazing!

[Freesearch 101]

I like it much. Good delivery and ending.

[Thaddius]

thanks man i appreciate the kind words

[Freesearch 101]

Your welcome. Keep up the good work!!!

[Peach]

I like it. It's a really interesting piece. The use of words are imaginative and kind of playful in a good way. Keep it up. (If you're interested in writing cliffhangers, search for the contest called Cliffhanger by Momo Beans

[Thaddius]

thanks yea i like to balance some darker themes with a lighter tone so its not heavy handed like a lot of stuff i read on here

[The Nude Writer]

Very unique and interesting imagery. I like this very much. Thank you for sharing it with me :)

[Thaddius]

my pleasure, thanks for reading

[closed]

this is an interesting poem
the use of perfume seems to be prevalent throughout the piece

its an intriguing metaphor
and i think it helps create a really good flow

creative


-Dream

[Thaddius]

thanks, muchos apprecitionas

[closed]

sure thing
i'll have to review more of your writing as well