Haunted

this might be the worst piece of s**t I've writ in awhile

I passed through your ghost in the hall, just now.

It made me warm but gave me the chills

If you were here I'd kill you for leaving.

 

Twenty-four hours you stayed for,

and it took twenty-three and a half to meet you.

I scratched your arm to clean the stain off

You had lots of skin to spare.

 

Are you an act, a circus tent?

You're a mirror over a grave, aren't you?

I'm kneeling on you, boring into myself,

you cackle and tell me I'm bad,

and I know you are.

I can, you say, once you finish with me.

I wonder who's supposed to hurt when

you turn me to stone, and

I crack your illusion?

 

 

You're busy, or bored, or crazy, or young,

and I must have been really lucky, or stupid.

What, are you juggling, gorging, extracting?

Me too!

 

It's probably because you remind me of me.

Of course you wouldn't want me.

I don't.

 

I'm like your heroes, you know.

I'm like them.

You can't see it; you're too young or too stupid.

Or I am.

 

You're blurring, twisting and digesting.

I can't taste the sweat.

I can't forget.

Come back!

Let's get faded again,

That way we can pretend we never met.

I promise I won't waste you.

 

I'm chill.

Guess it's time to sweat it out.

Reviews

[Devons]

A fascinating, puzzling, deceptive and unpredictable piece of writing - and all that the same time. It's also playful, stylish and definitely thought-provoking. Somehow the reader is never completely on firm ground here, but the sense of ambiguous interpretation is part of its effectiveness. I feel there is an undecided ambivalence going on within the poem which makes the mind spark. True feelings are in reality mixed, I believe and this piece of work encapsulates that - though I couldn't cite any precise evidence, I don't know why.... Really interesting. Clever, I believe.

[Bluefire]

Eerie, it tells a fantastic tale though.
I liked the third stanza the most.
Very well played!

[closed]

i like poems that are like conversations
which this seems to be, though more like a dialogue with oneself in the same way
its very quirky, and so tends to be pretty random

it seems like you wrote it on a whim
but it comes across pretty authentic that way
and not something forced

pretty good write I'd say

-Dream

[Thaddius]

yea it's rather disjointed and doesn't really adhere to any form but stream of consciousness. thats what i like about it, despite calling it s****y: the un-doctored honesty

[closed]

it still came out okay i think

[andrew mitchell]

I like this very much . My s**t is worse than your s**t! lol just saying!! lol

[Data]

I'm new to this site, so I'm just getting used to how everything works. I forgot to 'rate' this poem after my last review and it appears I have to write something new in order to add a rating (?) For me, this poem warrants a good score.
Cheers,
Phil.

[Data]

I really like this poem; though,I don't see anything 'supernatural' in the narrative, which is, probably, stating the obvious. What I see is the narrator spurned by a younger lover and his examination of the emotions this engenders.
There are some really interesting and personal lines that leave the reader on the edge of confusion, which, in a way, creates a kind of empathy with the writer and their confusion about the lover leaving.
The poem has a desperate energy: it is the want of repetition after the briefest encounter, which, for reasons not clear, is not reciprocated.
And for some reason, these lines: "Let's get faded again, / That way we can pretend we never met." puts me in mind of Jeanne in Bertolucci's Last Tango in Paris and the final scene after she's shot Paul and mutters (something like), "I'll pretend I didn't know him... he's just a stranger who tried to rape me!"
I think there's some witty use of language; for instance, how the inclusion of the word 'juggling' alludes back to the "Are you an act, a circus tent?" line, and I particularly like that complete stanza and how it finishes: "I wonder who's supposed to hurt when / you turn me to stone, and / I crack your illusion?"
I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
Phil.

[~]

What cocktail of feelings.. if this is the worst piece of sh$$ :D than, I would gladly read some of the best pieces :D

[Thaddius]

hmm the catch, the pole, lying in bed, channelling are all pretty solid. nothing i put on here should really be out in the world though

[~]

Mmmm ... Got it. I won't take anything of yours to the world ;)

[Thaddius]

you are the world, this side of the kiddy pool

[~]

ahh.. what happens on the other side? :D

[Thaddius]

I'm grounded or I flounder. Unfortunately water has its bias

[~]

bahahaha :D yes, it does ! witty you!

[I Am Svetlana]

I honestly don't believe in "bad writing", but I do really like this piece. It's okay if you don't think it's a masterpiece, but you've obviously put some good thought into what you wrote. "To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid", I'm sure we've all been through our share of stages. Haha. I feel like he's talking to someone he just recently broke up with or a friend who isn't so great anymore. Everyone has their own perspective, but I really enjoyed this and the title you picked fit perfectly!

[SquinklaPsyOps]

I really do not know what the metaphor of this poem is about

Is it maybe that lost ghosts represent dead time that are never going to be able to come back to life

Hurray for that

For all I care I hope that they catch those lost ghosts and they send them to dungeons in hell

And that they never come back to try to mingle with the living

[Thaddius]

oh I think ghosts get a bad rap

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Yes because the presence of ghosts represents trash time similar to when the trash is buried under and fills or burnt and no matter how many persons in the world celebrate or honor Christopher Columbus is never coming back from the death

[SquinklaPsyOps]

The only original that made to Heaven was Christ and all the others want to clone his strategy are rats that are never going to grow wings

[Dani The Unreviewed]

This is great! i've read it twice in a row. And decided to rate it 100#

[Thaddius]

that's awesome man (assuming you're a dude). Thanks a bunch

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You are welcome. And yeah, i am.