The Window

Sometimes windows through space are windows through time...

I saw a glimpse

                           of a girl

                                             through a window,

one that I used to know.

She was fresh and had flowers strung up in her hair.

 

I stood still, so so still, even though I knew well that she

couldn’t see through, not if I jumped up and down,

which I wanted to do.

 

She stared out. I bent closer, to study

the fine yellow streaks in the black of her hair.

 

I lowered my eyes,

reached through the sill,

grasped for the petals and fibers and dew.

It's what any man from my vantage would do.

I pressed shut my eyelids and caressed the soft petals,

so very familiar. So much so, I'd swear...

 

I leapt from her shadow, the darkness of hair,

for heaven be damned, I remembered this day!

I'd just forgotten this window!

I stared through it once, and oh, the same fool-

the girl I once knew was the girl I did know, and

the window I found,

in forbidden Spring

was but artifact, echo of

irrelevant things.

Reviews

[lovergirl]

such an emotional piece , it takes your mind away (to me it did) it made me picture what your poem is about , so well done and i like it (y)

[Gummy.G]

It gives a rush of certain emotions on specific times that were unexpected. It's pleasing :)

[The Representative]

Very emotional. This is the most sort of text asking to re-read and read.

[Enigma]

"the window I found,
in forbidden Spring
was but artifact, echo of
irrelevant things." - Wow. Love these lines!

[Matching Socks]

I lowered my eyes,
reached through the sill,
grasped for the petals and fibers and dew.
It's what any man from my vantage would do.
I pressed shut my eyelids and caressed the soft petals,
so very familiar. So much so, I'd swear...


Should I be blushing? please let me know so I know which way to review.
*sigh

This was very enjoyable to read.

[Thaddius]

hah. If that's what it stirs up in you then I'm very pleased. Blush away!

[Matching Socks]

Well... Ummm.
Blagh!!!

I can't remember what I was going to say now.
THANKS!

[Tomorrowneverknows]

Very beautiful poem about an impossible love or maybe it is a dream and our dreams are always more intense than reality.

I do like it. I congratulate you.

Jesus

[Thaddius]

Thanks Jesus! I don't say that nearly enough

[Elina]

This is absolutely beautiful. I am ever in awe when I read your writing.

[Thaddius]

thanks so much dear Elina, long time. I'm happy you can appreciate the simplicity I sometimes resort to. Looking great by the way!

[Elina]

You are most welcome. Yes, it's been rather a while since I've spent any substantial time reading, here; life has disrupted things a bit, as of late. Sometimes, the simplest things hold the most beauty...
And thank you.

[MagicAl]

Great write.. somewhat sensual in leading the reader to use their imagination before reading how you ended the poetic story. Good job Thaddius! :)

[Thaddius]

thank you, glad you got the sensual... I think I could write a hundred different poems out of my inspiration for this one

[MagicAl]

You're welcome.. maybe you should!! This really is a beautiful write, :)

[Delmar Cooper]

(Please insert standard accolades in this section, be as lavish as good taste and modesty allow.)

That out of the way:

I am interested in the word "fibers" and why you chose it. It seems to me the writer didn't reach casually into the vocabulary bin and fetch this out, but had a reason to use this word. In my opinion it is nearly the right word. Mark Twain had interesting things to say about "nearly the right word." God bless atheists and Google.

To a non-English speaker, upon hearing this poem read aloud, the poem would sound like a drum/oboe duet - the beat and the sweet- to make a precious remark from a safe distance. The drum beat is excellent to the piece and to my thinking courageous in its confidence. And sweetness? Well, good is good and good enough.

Enough rhyme to seem unaffected, but be effective. English translation: it works. Even a bit of assonance, thank you.

I think you should keep this one.

[Thaddius]

so you think 'fibers' is a lightning bug? Even if I had a reason to choose that specific word? I don't think a scientific flower word would be the 'right' word in this case; perhaps a more technical word would be but nearly the right word. And perhaps a more literal poem would be just nearly the right poem. Thoughts?

[Delmar Cooper]

Any two syllable word specific to flowers, or flower parts will serve better than the non specific fibers: sepals, tendrils, stamens, etc. But if a non flower specific is desired why not "sinews?"

"And perhaps a more literal poem would be just nearly the right poem. Thoughts? "
Thought: The "right" poem is the poem the poet wrote. The right reader is the reader who discovers the poetry in the poem.

[Thaddius]

you are right. I came so close to changing it to sinews just now, when it struck me: lions and tigers and bears, oh my! It's the sound. If I was a pro and you were my editor, I'd change it, but somehow fibers goes with eyes, and the imprecision is actually an asset in my view. Sinews would work, but the others would come across as pretentious in this age of google. But again, you are right, it would be more on the money from an accuracy POV. And your answer is clever. If only the critics were the ones staring down our barrels...

[Delmar Cooper]

We are counting the angels on the pin head. It is an excellent poem as written.

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Brilliant imagery and great transitions!

You have done a great job in writing this complete poem, I could relate to it and so I liked it.

Thanks for inviting me to read your very well written master piece.

I feel like I went on a journey and saw all those images!

[Thaddius]

aw thanks, you are too kind