Senryu 7-10: The Summer Series

I lean on the stool,

drunken from one of my runs.

Salute to summer.

 

A cutting remark

plumes and strikes itself as such,

amidst cannabis.

 

I'm sober, you see

but the more I stretch my legs

my mind atrophies.

 

I dip in the sea

to ease the disassembly.

Refuse to wash away. 

Author's Note

break the form on the very last line. fuck it

Reviews

[MagicAl]

Nice haikus.. good work :)

[Ywin]

Nice,I love haiku but the last one is :/

[Nusquam Esse]

My favorite one here would be your final one, a single line off by a syllable doesn't really matter. Even the Japanese masters would occasionally use 6 morae on a final line. As long it has cutting wit, and feels natural, then six is just fine. I also really like the first one, mainly for its final line. Only one I am feeling a little iffy on is the second one (not really sure why it doesn't resonate as well with me), but the rest are solid if not excellent. Thanks for the invite.

[Thaddius]

thank you, always appreciate your take

[Jelena]

This is really good, I like the use of imagery :)

[Andrea Mouser]

i like. but now that you mention it, the last line is bugging my OCD XD

[Thaddius]

the part of me that likes to justify mistakes/laziness/stubbornness as subconscious genius says 'i abandoned the form on the last line, a structural form of resentment that mirrors the speakers resentment for his mindless state of cleanse'. it's pretty cool if you look at it this way, but the rational part of me says 'look, it's a 5-7-5 line poem times 4. it's pretty easy to draw a lot of things out of dots so loosely placed'