The Ways of Water

My teardrops stutter in an inner lid 

inversion, a smattering of sentiments that 

swell and shrink upon arrival.

They can't, won't flow, these 

channels,  tides that lurch, 

indulgent river mouths that 

just won't spill - do these

oceans drain of their own accord, 

to save some future wave from faltering 

before the shore?

Streaked with propane sores,  

suspended glass,

these waters mustn't grasp 

their gashed, reflected

wound, their

city-wrecking force,

but rise!

in vapors, bask

in spotless skies and

 weave 

their clear and 

cloudy course 

that penetrates 

my 

eyes.

Author's Note

Just changed this even more. There is a certain meter in the end, and my revisions were an exercise in maintaining the momentum, through the rhyme as well as meter and of course the balance of imagery. Too much going on and I lose you a little

Reviews

[MachinaWriter]

The very format of this poem is like water. The tides, rising and falling, coming in and receding. You describe the emotion that can be caught in a single glance, a single look within a person's eyes, and you display it for the reader in an imaginative and poignant manner. Keep it up, Thaddius. It was enjoyable and well worth the read, and even more worth the contemplation.

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Loved it :) much better keep up the good work!

[Rossen]

Water is poetry to me ... this ebbs and flows with a musical tempo and sings your guiding voice...

[Stephen]

Yeah, nice! Words're tough but when I check their synonyms, I make the words easy to understand. So, here's a plus point in your nice poem that you used very nice high vocabulary words. The starting is good but as you reached in the middle of the part of the poem, may be, you got diverted! Cus, the ending's not appeared as your starting. You suddenly turn the all views the idea into a nice description but your ending looked a bit diverted from the concept. Howsoever, When I again compare the whole poem with the "Title" "The Ways Of Water!" I feel that the ending's all based on it cus, you may be showed something different to give the poem a new turn but am not sure about that. Over all poem's very good. Even right now, here the weather's very cold, it's a rainy! And, Yeah, I learn some new words from here. The one thing I loved about your stuff is you don't have any grammatical mistake which means, your already good at writing. I love the title n the poem as well .. hey, if may I ask, do you have any plan to write something more on it? Like any big stuff?

[Thaddius]

Thanks for the review. Grammar is important, but I wouldn't concern myself with the vocabulary - lots of people jack their s**t up with top shelf words, and the buzz created is minimal at best. The stranger words I use are always for the purpose of expression, auditory or thematic. The end was not a diversion, you have to follow the ways of the water and understand the allegorical context, which I all but say at the beginning: the emotional block, the indulgence, etc. Once you read the poem with that key, you can interpret the imagery in a new light, and the end exacts my vision of emotion as a cleansing, skyward thing, versus the internal turmoil the subject starts in. Essentially, self awareness and consequent shame about feeling or not feeling something is a tidal wave, and the emotion ought to rise, unburdened, like a shower of 'weaving raindrops'. I don't say words outright oftentimes, because I find it predictable, spelled out and corny. I get that for this reason, lots of my effect must be lost on you. Thanks for appreciating what you could, though. What is your first language?

[Thaddius]

oh, and 'do I have an plans to write something more on it?' On it? Do you mean on the subject of water, or are you talking long stories and novellas on this site?

[Stephen]

Welcome! Yeah, people are always standing next to everyone just to jack their s***s up with the words n so on but it's people whose curse words help us to burn some fire into the hearts to improve ourselves, to know who we are n what things we gotta implement so that those who jack the s**t up, never again vomit their words again to us! So yeah, it happens!
... I happen to know, more they curse the words outside their mouths, more we raise to improve ourselves.

Ok, I got the point! Thanks for describing the actual concept of the poem. But to me, Grammar n high vocabulary's "MUCH IMPORTANT!" cus, "English's not my first lan." n I don't think there's a need to tell anybody what's my first lan. I just want to make an English my first lan. so that everybody could know my first lan.'s "English" so, Am here!
So, if you anywhere find any error just let me know n criticize me cus, am here to learn!

And, yeah ...I meant, do you have any plans to write a story or a novel, book whatever on the same title "The Ways of Water?"
And one more thing I wanna ask, how you use high vocabulary?"

[Thaddius]

hmm no I doubt I would ever write something more than a few pages on water. maybe my version of an odyssey... hey, you actually gave me an idea. But I'd never use the same title, its highly unlikely.

High vocab? Well, you are right to focus on grammar and words, but leave the big words for professors. It's only when words stick in the back of your head in an emotional way that it makes sense to dish them up in a line of poetry. Don't dictionary hunt, you want the words to live in you. The only way to do that is to read and become an emotionally attuned person. Get affected by words and then combine them in interesting ways. Like 'smattering' means a small amount of something, and also a superficial amount. I didn't know the definition by heart, but the word came to me because of its precipitation connotations that mirror an emotion too shallow and too small, repressed and doubted. The word worked perfectly and fit my meter. I think it worked because I relaxed and let my inner essence tell the story. So to answer your question, use high vocabulary by meditating and telling the story, and if a big word wants to flow out of you, if you are ready it will find its way out

[Stephen]

Am glad to give you an idea! Actually, I asked you to write on the same time because this title has some sense of life n which your poem has already contained in but something left which's still starving to come down into the words from your heart to express something more so, I asked! Anyway, whatever you want! It's all on you! I said, what I'd to!

O' great ... that's impressive! Yeah, now your this reply helped me to know a one more new word "Smattering" ..now little by little n day by day, am sure with the time, am gonna be a great in "English" just cus of your writer's great suggestions. Yeah, your it looks quite interesting to follow the words "Meditating" n "Telling stories" that's I think, the great tools for improving the skills. Thanks for the suggestions!

[Bluefire]

I did see much imagery in this piece. At the beginning, I saw someone trying to cry, but not being able to, and then that person's brain sparked to life. It imagined rivers of tears flowing behind the mask of a face.
Then there was the ocean on a gray and cloudy day, the sky was made of glass and it shattered and broke. That person started to think, "well, if my tears won't flow freely then they will have to go somewhere."
Evaporate to the heavens, so that they may your pain over the Earth.
Well done. ^^

[Thaddius]

thanks, I like the vision of your interpretation

[Bluefire]

No problem. ^^

[Latifa]

I like the format of the lines that all come together and forme a beautiful drop of water that has a lot of meaning. beautifully written.

[olla]

have you read it aloud and listened to the flow.. I wonder if you intend the thoughts to break where the lines end.. the feel of holding back unshead tears was real enough.. I felt the anguish and it is not easy to get the FEEL across sometimes.. I had to read it several times before it felt like I had finally understood on a gut level..

[Thaddius]

no no, the thoughts don't end at the end of lines, that's more of a meter guide and I guess a way of stacking emotions in a visual way. The poem is meant to be read according to punctuation. Thanks for the review

[costa siwale]

Looks like you Really took your time with this one. And it did pay off, awesome word play and imagery. I like it

[Thaddius]

thanks man!

[Sami Khalil]

Smooth as water, elegant as spring...:).................

[Thaddius]

Thank you! the smoothness was an important feature in this one, God how I agonized over the ending

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)....................

[Rachelle]

words well-woven into a vivid visual symphony. Kampai!

[Thaddius]

thank you! nice smile by the way

[Rachelle]

Thank you!