Lying In Bed

I was a boy in bed once, bundled in thought.

The purples and maples of late autumn leaves

would dance at the back of my neck as I’d breathe,

and I’d grasp at the breezes that couldn’t be caught.

 

I’d play back the shadows of the coming of age,

and flip through a novel in a drowsy mind’s eye

to the bare branched white tones of the very last page,

and not steady the passing as much as I’d try.

 

In an onslaught rebirth of powder and rain

I’d burrow in bed and try yet again, but

 

a saber of ice at my window would drip

and liquids collected in pools at the sill, so

I began to observe the breadth of this trip and

how waters will melt independent of will.

 

I’d sweat in a fit and dream a new book

where six months had passed and I’d be quite the same,

looking in bed as far as I looked,

in a blanket that wrapped all the places I came.

 

And six months would pass, and six, and six more

and I’d plug in in my bed to that fantasy lore.

 

Now, on titanium paper, far-off and serene

 I let rustling air play over my ear, and

imagine the boy who’s lying in bed

and inventing the man who’s

standing right here.

Reviews

[Justsimplyjulia]

Wow. This was an incredible read!!! Thanks so much for requesting it for me!!!! It was so beautiful, a story of childhood!
Fabulous write, keep it coming!
-Dragon

[Thaddius]

thank you so much, Dragon. Thanks for reading it. I will keep 'em coming

[Giggling Star]

Thaddius ... I'm sorry to say I've never visited your page before ... Sorry because of what I missed! This is excellent. Full of insight and thoughtfulness. It brings back the dreams of youth and the wonder of life will be like once we're "old". Now I wonder, was your foresight on target? Did you turn out to be the person you always imagined you would be?

[Thaddius]

thanks so much. To answer your wonderful question, yes. Fundamentally I did turn out to be that person. In terms of choices, no, god no. I'm a twisted creature compared to the glinting statue I must have envisioned. But the answer is still yes, because that person hasn't changed from then to now. I've grown up to become the child I always was and child I always will be. Embracing that is the balm that tempers the misguided anxieties of the conscious mind. I still have lots more 'turning out' to do, choices and mistakes to make. But the child that set up the system to checkin with me - he knew what he was doing. I trust you, kiddo.

[Giggling Star]

We have that in common then ... I suppose every one does to some extent, but I find the people who have lost contact with the child they were ... well, to be honest ... I find the a little tedious. I'll be back to visit your page again.

[Rossen]

Thaddius, you have done it again, nice work.
" imagine the boy who’s lying in bed and inventing the man who’s standing right here."
you've opened the window of imagination and let the sunshine in with this wonderful
voice of poetry. Well executed work of Art.Maybe better then your old enough to know...
A keeper for sure. 100/100

[Thaddius]

Thanks, Rossen. I value your reviews because I value your work. You are probably right, I'm not old enough to know.. I'm old enough to stop assuming I know everything, though..

[Rossen]

you are like and old soul

[AYVID N]

Thanks for sharing this one. It reminded me to appreciate shifting seasons. :)

[AYVID N]

Somehow, time stands still in my mind as it forms images of that boy lost in fantasy yet rooted in the real experiences of evolving into a man. The images brought to the reader's mind are breathtaking once again. It's all new and unique. The imagery is rich yet very relevant to the theme and emotions you try to convey here.

The boy's need to "steady the passing" and grasp at the beauty of the moments is beautifully conveyed. My favorite lines here are:



"The purples and maples of late autumn leaves

would dance at the back of my neck as I’d breathe,

and I’d grasp at the breezes that couldn’t be caught."

&

"In an onslaught rebirth of powder and rain

I’d burrow in bed and try yet again, but

a saber of ice at my window would drip

and liquids collected in pools at the sill'


The conclusion was right on and summed up the transition and the subject's state of contentment very well.

[Thaddius]

Thanks, my friend, I wish I had more ways to say 'thanks'. This one was a guilty pleasure for me to write - it's soothing somehow.

[AYVID N]

The pleasure was all mine :)

[LadyAnn68]

To be assertive is written in this story of the boy to man. Well done! Love to dream!

[Chaz Hemsworth]

The meter is so well executed here. Imagery is so vivid as well, the way you compress years of time into a few lines is remarkable.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like "inventing the man who's/ standing right here"

imagination is a good thing and unfortunately many lose it as they age...

i like the inner rhyme here, not the perfect end line stuff that gets really monotonous and sing song..

liked everything but the "mind's eye"

but then that phrase is so overused in writing, and sometimes it seems hard to get away from using it even if we don't want to.

[Thaddius]

thanks for the review. After writing my last effort, I needed to churn this one out with the 'sing-song' feel. I felt like channeling Frost a little bit. I'm like that director who keeps switching genres. I agree with 'minds-eye' being overused, but also think its beautiful. Somehow I don't feel like retiring it! Everything you say is on the money though, the form of this poem isn't going to win any originality awards. I do think the meaning and imagery within the lines gives me a pass with the rhyme scheme. It's not monotonous when it's pulled off on multiple levels and moving.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i said it was not the monotonous sing-songy rhyme...because you used in-line rhyme.

and i liked the piece....i think people get too critical of poetry...it is an expression, a feeling and poets are individuals...if we suggest too many changes, then it becomes our poem not the poet's---

i write spontaneously much like Frank O'Hara...they pour out...i usually do revision as i am writing, but i really just let the poems do their thing.
sometimes we can overwork pieces until they sound contrived..

i like your work.

jacob

[Thaddius]

oh, okay, I thought you meant that mine had both! Yeah, I agree with that. Perhaps I offered too many on your piece. I can get carried away as an editor, but take it as a sign of respect! My longest reviews are to those I respect the most... at least all but one or two. The respect is mutual, my friend

[Avinash]

It is an evolutionary poem. It is a good try to make a picture out of blurred images of infancy.
This a promising poem with lot of potential as it is an original as well.