Channeling

Check out 'Here in my Room' by Incubus. It's not as important to the flow, but it's a crucial detail to this story.

You’re sitting naked on my chair-couch,

kind of like a couch but shaped like a chair

It’s blue and Incubus is playing in my

apartment - I’m in my underwear.

 

We’ve been playing it over and over,

waiting for the 'Spirits' in your head to

interject and tell us what to do.

 

Your olive skin is lighter on your collarbone.

Three goldfish lie at the bottom of the tank.

‘I told you not to wash it out with soap,’

I say, but before you even speak I know

it was a big mistake.

 

You cross your legs and sage filters through your

folded arms. You listen carefully. I watch you.

You catch me watching and narrow your eyes.

I can’t take them off you. I don’t even notice that the

thermostat reads ninety-nine degrees.

 

‘You tell me. What are they saying to you?’

I frown. ‘They… aren’t saying much,’

but you ignore this. ‘Tell me!’ you insist,

‘what do the Spirits want for us to do?’

I drop down on the couch

next to an empty box of pizza.

 

The song is ‘Here in Our Room’,

and it’s mournful. For some reason you demand this

song whenever you need a message or to ‘channel’,

and for some reason I prefer it too.

The blinds are closed and the sage is getting thick.

I’m not even hungry. It’s cozy here.

 

 

A freighter blasts its horn in the song.

I shiver. Sometimes I sing this part in the

bathroom when you’re not right there. You're waiting.

‘Okay,’ I murmur. ‘I’m trying’. The battles of traffic

echo outside, and I can sense the 

rush hour haze.

 

‘Okay.’ I look into your eyes. They are wide and starved.

‘They’re saying a lot of stuff. About us, they want us 

to go out to dinner more’. 

You jerk your head and

drag a little ‘no’ through the air,

like a teddy bear by its leg, and it’s so

gentle.

 

I slip over a pile of your drafted letters and cross to you.

I sink right into the chair-couch next to you, squished in like

a bruise. Your body is stiff. 

You giggle, all of a sudden.

‘They’re saying that I should leave.'

 

I lean forward to the laptop and set the iTunes dial back.

‘No.’ I say. The streets are quiet now. ‘They’re channeling.

Yes. They say

you should stay for a few more months,

and also that

we should get more fish’.

The sage drifts and burns out on my counter.

You narrow your eyes.

Author's Note

Disregard the line spacing, just keep reading it until the logical end of a sentence or thought.

Reviews

[Miss Marlette]

You create the scene very well here.
Two people in a relationship trying hard to be on the same wavelength? But do they have to try that hard...? They seem unsure...like a game of -go figure. A perfect picture created there, I can feel the undercurrent of emotion.

The noise outside was a bit distracting for all the meditation goin on. :)

A 100 fishes. Liked a lot ;)

[Thaddius]

thank you sincerely for the kind words. An 'undercurrent' is exactly what I was going for. I wanted to show what was going on and not once reference an actual emotion. I think Hemingway does this a lot, I haven't read him since high school but he's next in my reading lineup. So many poems indulge in emotion, so I like the idea of going the other way, like presenting a Grecian bust through the mold, painting a scene through what is and isn't said and what swarms through the in-between space..

[Miss Marlette]

Great writing is all about allusion.Paint the picture and leave it to the reader. great. In this you succeed here.

Hey you are welcome :)

[Skalved]

I found this to be a very compelling read. Very evocative with a subtle and intriguing depth of tension between the 2 people in the room, more unspoken than spoken. But both parties seem to be enjoying the moments. Perhaps like a game of strategy or "chess". Looking for the answer to a question, or a direction. Looking for a solution or maybe the way to perfection. Like all of us some of the time, or like some of us all the time.

I really like the lines "..You jerk your head and drag a little 'no' through the air, like a teddy bear by its leg, and it's so gentle..", it really invokes that motion into my mind's eye.

I did enjoy this piece, very well crafted, thanks.

[Thaddius]

thanks a bunch, glad you felt the tension

[KAin]

What bones are there lying here, half covered in sand? Whose are they, and what stories do they tell? These are the questions evoked in me by this piece. You have used the structure of a poem to tell a story and one that has quite a bit of depth to it, as much told by what is unsaid as what is stated outright. You left a lot to implication, leaving the story to grow in the reader's mind after the final lines, and you created in these few verses a well formulated idea and complete characters, with so many things lurking just beneath the surface. This is an impressive piece, Thaddius. Keep writing.

[Thaddius]

Thanks for the eloquent, on it review. 'Bones in the sand' is just what this is. On one hand I examine the fossil of an un-evolved me, on the other sit uneasily with a strange skeleton I call my lover. Thanks for articulating my use of allusion and implication, and what 'lurks beneath'. I want this one to metastasis like a cognitive disease. Thanks for feeling the affliction

[Thaddius]

Yeah, love is a verb here in my room ♫

When one enters in technicolor, it's always overwhelming the black and white but, there must be only one who can do such a thing, for black and white is a statement, to even me... it's holy.

Again there is almost a pshychotic vision of a brilliant delusional mind-set here,
Richly insane musical mixed... which I love, adore, see feel.

Crazy, happy aware but floated into new realities, sounds of outside...
Life facts, like some cars on sunset boulevard, slipping wheels...
drawn visions of naked imagery. To put at one, a episode of a night,

Blurred in truth, and fiction mixed, of one brilliant fictive, and musical, plus poetic mind.


- Elisa

[Thaddius]

Elisa! I'm so pleased that you can feel this. Especially the psychosis. It's different than the dream poem, because the dream is inherently surreal, but this slice of real life feels like a dream state in reflection. I'm shut up in this room and shut down inside myself and devoting all my energy to this other person with her own baggage. We're channeling and invoking truth in this sickly way, communicating though the mediation of heaven, or of insanity. But it didn't feel that way, so I wanted to paint it true to life and let the nausea swim in the air. So happy that you checked out the song! Thanks for the words

You are welcome G. I am glad I could give you my blurred vision, and the same time, clarity here. I love the way you explain it once more. There is a great thing into characters, displayed, that both are speaking through silence, and are channeling. That's a true movie you displayed just here, reminds me of some scenes, I have in mind now, but forgot the name, (will come back at that once I remember) bad with recording names... anyhow, great job, as ever. Keep on variate your styles, as your next one is gorgous, but I need more time to dig deeper only than a diagonal read I had the time for tonight ;-) back at you soon.

[Sharon L.H. Kelly]

This is a very creative write. I felt as if I was an intruder as I read/watched it played out. For me, that was interesting as I could actually feel the tension and question the underlying emotions. Well penned!

[RichGee]

This reads like a screenplay....I love it. My style.
I love it that your words never betray its message yet you incorporate
So many other things happening at the same moment...almost like one is watching Live..
Very vivid...crafty....not easy to pull off.....great work!
This would be a fantastic piece to perform as spoken word, which is my passion.
Check out my Piece, I Kick Demon A*s....reads similarly...

[Andrea Mouser]

I really enjoy you're unique writing style

[Ren Grace]

Your poetry is very unique, I love the story kind of vibe it gives off and how it made me feel. Reading this was truly a different experience. You did an amazing job on this one. Thank you!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Relationships are hard whether you are channeling dead fish or not lol.This was excellent ,I saw the relationship in my mind your words were so vivid.Really great I think :)

[Hannah Fishburn]

Aw, I love this. I like your descriptions. Its sweet. I can picture it all in my head, and its not a normal scene. Its so original it almost seems out of context, but it goes beginning to end. Well done. Thanks for the invite to read :)

[Thaddius]

thank! what do you mean by 'so original it almost seems out of context'?

[Hannah Fishburn]

That was bad wording. I mean, its not cliche in any way, and its a scene that isnt written a lot, as opposed to teary meetings in the rain or walks on the beach. You know, typical settings and such. The whole girl sitting naked in a chair and the "channeling" and such are really original, and if you didn't follow the whole poem and sort of pick up on the underlying emotions, it would seem out of place

[wordman]

I think your writing was great very creative you have a lot of images here
overall a great write

[Thaddius]

thank you sir! - much appreciated

[wordman]

u r welcome