Channeling

Check out 'Here in my Room' by Incubus. It's not as important to the flow, but it's a crucial detail to this story.

You’re sitting naked on my chair-couch,

kind of like a couch but shaped like a chair

It’s blue and Incubus is playing in my

apartment - I’m in my underwear.

 

We’ve been playing it over and over,

waiting for the 'Spirits' in your head to

interject and tell us what to do.

 

Your olive skin is lighter on your collarbone.

Three goldfish lie at the bottom of the tank.

‘I told you not to wash it out with soap,’

I say, but before you even speak I know

it was a big mistake.

 

You cross your legs and sage filters through your

folded arms. You listen carefully. I watch you.

You catch me watching and narrow your eyes.

I can’t take them off you. I don’t even notice that the

thermostat reads ninety-nine degrees.

 

‘You tell me. What are they saying to you?’

I frown. ‘They… aren’t saying much,’

but you ignore this. ‘Tell me!’ you insist,

‘what do the Spirits want for us to do?’

I drop down on the couch

next to an empty box of pizza.

 

The song is ‘Here in Our Room’,

and it’s mournful. For some reason you demand this

song whenever you need a message or to ‘channel’,

and for some reason I prefer it too.

The blinds are closed and the sage is getting thick.

I’m not even hungry. It’s cozy here.

 

 

A freighter blasts its horn in the song.

I shiver. Sometimes I sing this part in the

bathroom when you’re not right there. You're waiting.

‘Okay,’ I murmur. ‘I’m trying’. The battles of traffic

echo outside, and I can sense the 

rush hour haze.

 

‘Okay.’ I look into your eyes. They are wide and starved.

‘They’re saying a lot of stuff. About us, they want us 

to go out to dinner more’. 

You jerk your head and

drag a little ‘no’ through the air,

like a teddy bear by its leg, and it’s so

gentle.

 

I slip over a pile of your drafted letters and cross to you.

I sink right into the chair-couch next to you, squished in like

a bruise. Your body is stiff. 

You giggle, all of a sudden.

‘They’re saying that I should leave.'

 

I lean forward to the laptop and set the iTunes dial back.

‘No.’ I say. The streets are quiet now. ‘They’re channeling.

Yes. They say

you should stay for a few more months,

and also that

we should get more fish’.

The sage drifts and burns out on my counter.

You narrow your eyes.

Author's Note

Disregard the line spacing, just keep reading it until the logical end of a sentence or thought.

Reviews

[Miss Marlette]

You create the scene very well here.
Two people in a relationship trying hard to be on the same wavelength? But do they have to try that hard...? They seem unsure...like a game of -go figure. A perfect picture created there, I can feel the undercurrent of emotion.

The noise outside was a bit distracting for all the meditation goin on. :)

A 100 fishes. Liked a lot ;)

[Thaddius]

thank you sincerely for the kind words. An 'undercurrent' is exactly what I was going for. I wanted to show what was going on and not once reference an actual emotion. I think Hemingway does this a lot, I haven't read him since high school but he's next in my reading lineup. So many poems indulge in emotion, so I like the idea of going the other way, like presenting a Grecian bust through the mold, painting a scene through what is and isn't said and what swarms through the in-between space..

[Miss Marlette]

Great writing is all about allusion.Paint the picture and leave it to the reader. great. In this you succeed here.

Hey you are welcome :)

[Claire in VA]

Excellent!
I admire your talent.
You create such emotion without using "emotion words."
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Enjoyed.
~Claire

[Corset]

Pizza, food for the Gods, I mean seriously , it really must be the best food on earth. we are forever twenty in our minds.

[Shaquana Adams]

‘Okay,’ I murmur. ‘I’m trying’. The battles of traffic
echo outside, and I can sense the
rush hour haze.

I love the imagery here. You create this scene well. It can very easily be a short story or flash fiction. The unsaid in this scene makes it stick with me more and also the undercurrent makes this poem "pop" so to speak. Great work! :)

[Rob Santana]

Avery interesting piece. I like the deep thought and serene atmosphere throughout the entire piece. Nicely done Thaddius.

[Thaddius]

thanks, I'm happy you get those elements

[Anand Sehgal]

We’ve been playing it over and over,

waiting for the 'Spirits' in your head to

interject and tell us what to do.

A game of patience. A good scene :)
****************************************************************************************************************************************

[jacob erin-cilberto]

prosy....the interaction is interesting...the dead fish, maybe the dead relationship because the spontaneity is missing...

what should we do now? well whatever comes natural...but first we must buy some more fish..and start over...maybe order another pizza...

i like that image in there...the empty pizza box...the pizza already eaten, like the relationship already eaten up by boredom, the sameness evident, but we can't seem to leave because we are too dependent on each other...

good piece...

[Thaddius]

thanks! Yeah, as I said to another reviewer, my goal was to present a bust through a mold, through the negative space here. It's very much a story. Stories are probably what I'd be most in my element with, short and novels. I'd have more space to stretch. Poems are fun to be because you can churn them out and they are so easy to read. Gimmicky/pretentious ones drive me bananas, though!

[Rachelle]

It's a scene unencumbered by flowery language and romanticized notions - as real and as honest as could be. Kampai!

[Jeffery Hayes]

You are a talented writer. As I read it. I could visualise this scene happening in my mind. Extremely well written!

[Thaddius]

Thanks for the kind words. So happy you could see it

[KatDarkness]

This is really good and really unusual in a lot of ways :) I love it :D You've set the scene well :D

[Thaddius]

thanks. I'm glad you could watch through the window of my urban tomb

[Leigh]

I was quickly involved with the characters as you developed the scene so quickly, the casual dialogue involved me further and I felt a part of their lives. I like the story / narrative style, it makes it very real and believable

[Thaddius]

thanks! -glad you could feel the characters