Dear E

A letter

Dear E,

 I don't know when you will get your cellphone service reconnected, so I am writing to you on here. Knowing you, you won't read this, but I promise you, it contains no hate and only truth, so I hope you will read it someday.

I know you 'don't know me'. I know I am a 'jealous hater' who tried to 'trap' you, and succeeded for nearly 3 months. I know I am a condescending nerd, one who loved too much, couldn't take rejection, was possessive and obsessive, and had moments that were psychotic and just plain wrong. I know I am a loser, chiefly because I am so 'loser-y'. I know I am pathetic.

From the second that you came up to me at the club I knew there was something special about you. You have a magical quality, and I can't describe it with all the pretentious words in the universe. I was reeling from 2 major losses in my life at the time, and was driving back from the Grand Canyon on the same night you ran away from home. I was surprised when the number you wrote on my hand turned out to be real, and started to feel anxious about whether I would ever see you again - even if it was just to talk over coffee.

When you asked to take a shower at my place I wasn't sure if you were joking. It seemed so forward, so trusting, and I was flattered. When you came and eventually decided to stay the night, you filled up part of the hollowness inside of me, much more than I could have hoped for. Every single thing that every single person does is selfish, and my generosity was no exception. I needed your company, your healing presence.

Days turned into weeks, and your spirituality began to consume my life. I didn't quite believe in it, but kept my mind open, and it was a comfort to have symbols and actions to guide our paths rather than desperate thoughts that couldn't be applied. You were eccentric, but so charming, beautiful in a rare, natural way, truly smart, creative, hysterically funny and deep as a bottomless pit.

I could never fight my instinct to protect you. It turned into neurosis - my thoughts constantly wondering to where you were and who might be taking advantage of you at any given time, even when I was away. As soon as we tried putting labels on our relationship it took a harsh turn for the worse, because I became possessive, something that you never deserved. Even if I was without these flaws, I know that we weren't supposed to be together in that way for an extended period of time. Your heart lies elsewhere. But I also believe that each moment, each person, each step along the way is integral to our development, and therefore, don't regret a second that I spent in your proximity. 

I guess now it is time to say goodbye, goodbye to that sliver of time where you slept next to me each night, took showers every 3 hours, convinced me to order ice cream and vegan pizza from pink dot in the middle of the night, and my favorite: lying on the couch while you asked me to channel the universe through Rex, or the Seahorse, or the Perfume Bottle, and we discovered how to avoid catastrophe almost as much as we cracked each other up at the absurdity of it all. Everything is absurd, and you taught me that even truth comes in that twisted form... especially truth.

If you have gotten this far, I want you to know that I am always there as a friend and ally in saving the universe, and am always open to assist in your quest. I know that you have to consider me as a villain in order to escape, but whenever the time comes, I hope we can start where we left off and never be strangers. I am not hurt, not offended, and definitely not mad. I am proud of your guts. You are the world's mirror, and mine, and I will never forget my reflection.

Hang out, call, or text me anytime, acquaintance!

Author's Note

I dug this up. Unadulterated truth!

Reviews

[DIVYA]

Interesting and a very well drafted writing. You have the gift of story-telling.

[Bluefire]

Nostalgia, heartbreak, self hate, still love.
This piece is a treasure trove of hidden memories and thoughts, stories untold but witnessed by time.
A++

[PoetryPenPal]

This is a very sweet letter. I loved it! You have a true talent. I would be so happy if I was a girl getting that letter. Great work!

[Elina]

This is incredible, and definitely hits "close to home" for me. Wonderful.

[Edmund S. Obumba]

So many people could relate in one way or another..but to me..this was deep man.
deep and revealing.
got me inspired to write another piece!

[Juliet]

Well, a continuation on another piece. This must be a piece of your life, or just an idea you found a special kind of romantic. I applaud you for these. It's a piece of real life that you've managed to grab hold of and pen so gracefully, honestly. Wonderful, really. Great job yet again.

[Sarah H. (Shadow Mage)]

This is a beautiful and well written letter. I can see that you are very sincere and true to your words.

[Shaquana Adams]

Oh my gosh, I love this!
"Every single thing that every single person does is selfish, and my generosity was no exception. I needed your company, your healing presence"
That line really got me. I love the honesty in your work. I think you will like my poetry because you will find that we write alike.
I'm saving this one to my favorites. Great job! Love it!

[Sanjana Raju]

The best letter I have read so far.

[Thaddius]

thanks! I'm not gonna pretend i made it up - it's truth through and through

[Sanjana Raju]

No wonder it is the way it is !!