Hidden Places

Wrote this years ago, it's very old

I wake into a dream on pristine shores

Waltzing with a great mirage of luster

Sifting through the seasoned wind and sand

And burrowing down as far as I can muster

My ears are pierced by birds like darts of nectar

My brow impressed by a combative sun

That lion’s mane of hair flows thick with salt

And breath drifts out as if low-tide’s begun

A bloody feast sprawls vast across the sky

The taste drips on my tongue, burning so sweet

I yearn to paint myself among the clouds

So when I wake this place cannot retreat.

As blood climbing a blade his thoughts undo

And clouded are the wonders he once knew.

Reviews

[Rossen]

At one with all things living and liking the taste...king of the jungle...100/100
welcome to WC Thaddius..
Rossen

[Shaquana Adams]

I really agree with what everyone else has said. The imagery is amazing!
"A bloody feast sprawls vast across the sky
The taste drips on my tongue, burning so sweet"
Favorite line!
I also enjoyed the feel and the idea of such a place that you'd want to keep even when you wake up. This is very nicely written. Great work! :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

This is very deep, full of emotion as well.
I didn't really understand the meaning of it though.
It was written out in a great way i love the way you have positioned it :)
Keep writing :)

[Thaddius]

This is a fine piece of writing, it's full of rich imagery, deep thoughts, of here and now, but also of the past, visions and reflections, like a " jumper " (movie) here...to mind and time travel, from one place of the world to another, and with a language of forlorn times to guide you. Tis fantastic writing.

- Elisa

[Thaddius]

As is this critique.

[Frieda P]

The imagery is exquisite, love the 'combative sun'...my favorite~

And breath drifts out as if low-tide’s begun
A bloody feast sprawls vast across the sky
The taste drips on my tongue, burning so sweet
I yearn to paint myself among the clouds

Now that's sublime...

[Thaddius]

thanks! it's one of my oldies. My goal was to fill it up with an individualized richness of language to transcend the generic feel of a Shakespeare 'feeling deeply' knock-off. I don't normally explain stuff, but I'll just say that it's about an actual place, and how these places that are always ticking become lost in the dust of our heads, and our sanctuaries become foreign. Thanks for enjoying it!

[Frieda P]

Well your response is poetry in itself, you're quite welcome, enjoyed!

[Krystall]

I love the imagery, I love how it all flows together and how it paints a picture in my mind, you're very descriptive. It was a great read, well done.

[Thaddius]

thanks! I find the ones that rhyme do well with lots of imagery. The ones are more spoken word need less imho

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Lovely imagery - Brilliantly succinct.

[gabiaimee]

Imagery is nice, descriptive, and detailed. The words all flow nicely together, which makes the meter very smooth. Well done.

[Shadowed_pilgrim]

This is a beautiful piece. You do it great poetic justice in separating the truth from the illusion of this man/woman's mind. The realisation of his/her fate is portrayed quite nicely and the way this person must re-interpret what they came to know as a wonder holds much grace and pulchritude. The change of mood is well settled and embodied. Very well done :)

[Thaddius]

thanks - it's a man, me. I just have long hair like a girl haha. I'm about to read some of your stuff

[Mily]

This one is so awesome if I must say!
Again the imagery is just spot on! You really have a gift.
I love it, I love the comparisons very much.
It gives you a perspective you usually wouldn't think of.
Great work! Keep sharing!