Hidden Places

Wrote this years ago, it's very old

I wake into a dream on pristine shores

Waltzing with a great mirage of luster

Sifting through the seasoned wind and sand

And burrowing down as far as I can muster

My ears are pierced by birds like darts of nectar

My brow impressed by a combative sun

That lion’s mane of hair flows thick with salt

And breath drifts out as if low-tide’s begun

A bloody feast sprawls vast across the sky

The taste drips on my tongue, burning so sweet

I yearn to paint myself among the clouds

So when I wake this place cannot retreat.

As blood climbing a blade his thoughts undo

And clouded are the wonders he once knew.

Reviews

[FlamingPhoenix]

And clouded are the wonders he once knew...as the lines before--stunningly brilliant and I very much enjoyed!

[Devesh]

"yearn to paint myself among the clouds
So when I wake this place cannot retreat."

How perfectly you captured the emotion in these lines! Stunning!

[AYVID N]

"That lion’s mane of hair flows thick with salt
And breath drifts out as if low-tide’s begun
A bloody feast sprawls vast across the sky
The taste drips on my tongue, burning so sweet"

Superb! Keep writing and shining! :)
Happy Valentine's Evening.

[Thaddius]

Thank you so much doll for enjoying it (I only have the confidence to say 'doll' when I'm writing). This is one of my oldest ones on here, but I remember the process to this day as being distinctly painstaking. Not to say it was hard to write, but I had to find the perfect way to say each line. Most of my stuff I let it spill and then revise and shape. This one the shape was there more or less, the subject there, so my only mission was to describe this sanctuary in vivid, brutal detail. The beauty of the lines had to be a vehicle of meaning. So I appreciate your feedback so much. I wonder when the next time I do one like that will be!

[AYVID N]

You are welcome. The lines are all very well connected and meaningful. It was all my pleasure.

[AYVID N]

Of all your writes this just held me spell bound. It has some very amazing lines...

My ears are pierced by birds like darts of nectar
&
I yearn to paint myself among the clouds
So when I wake this place cannot retreat.

Great work Thaddius!

[Katniss]

I really adored the line 'I yearn to paint myself among the clouds' I wish I could write with deep imagery like you. Job well done! :)

[Bluefire]

It speaks of someone lost in an inescapable torture, longing for peace.
Lots of imagery and the story is clear and cleanly told.
Well done. ^^

[Debbie_Philly]

A gorgeous piece Thaddius !! This really touched me :)

[Talia The Hedgehog]

this kind of sounds like a song. nice though.

[PoetryPenPal]

WOW this poem was so good. I love rhyming poems, and this poem had very good flow! Great job again!

[Sarah H. (Shadow Mage)]

I liked this. A very nice poem.
Keep up the good work!