Japanese Volcano

a little poem a wrote based on one of my earliest memories

Wind whips the cream of mother’s milk

Atop the slick volcanic silk

They’ll nourish us, the fumes,

Until the hollows flourish.

Sky drips unbroken blood of mine

As I’m dangled off the edge

Frozen rock of father’s pledge

Uncompromised horizon line.

An ashen snapshot in a leather wallet

Buried deep can’t make me cry because

Up high the water stripes don’t weep.

We peer down at the blackened lawn,

The stalactite home the jig-sawed dog

Twin textbooks, wallets

Whirring cash, like kettles in the air, like

Paper walls with presidents

Who couldn’t see beyond the frosty surface

of the sea.

I think I danced far out for mother’s scent

Tripping on the time we spent, and imagine father

Must have lost his hold, and let me plunge into the mold

The molten stew so all along when I was young I had myself

In view.

Reviews

[Krystall]

This poem has great imagery, I like how deep it is and how it flowed so well. Nicely done, keep up the great work.

[gabiaimee]

Lovely imagery and similes as always. Meter was smooth....nicely done.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Marvelous cadence...flows so well...Poignant imagery and well spun lyricism. The only thing I might consider changing is the use of the word wallet twice trips me up. Beautiful - full of raw emotion.

[Thaddius]

oh the reprise of wallet was intentional: a sentimental keepsake becomes this gross symbol of excess and the pain that it causes, it's kind of a window into what destroyed my little idyllic life when i was 3. I appreciate the feedback!

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Yes, I can see that now upon a second reading...sorry for the difficulty but glad for the creation you have made of it.

[RazzySkittles]

So Beautiful I loved how you used the immagery to explain different aspects of nature. For instance mother being mother nature, milk being the foam of the sea. Volcanic silk being obsidian, and the different themes between the parents. Very beautifully written. My favourite line would be the very first one! :) Because of what it describes! :)

[Mily]

This is a really wonderful piece of writing.
I really how deep it feels, or how deep it is I shall say.
I like how you rhymed, but also enjoyed the imagery.
Good job.

[Elina]

This was very eloquently written. It flowed very nicely, and the imagery was fantastic.

[Kitten]

This is wonderful. I enjoyed the imagery. Great job

[E.Potter]

Excellent descriptive language. I loved the flow.
Beautifully done!

[Thaddius]

thanks! i've been away from poetry for awhile and always had an appetite for this Poe-ish rhyme. So had to exorcise it here!

[SyberRose]

Nicely done...I liked the structure and theme...enjoyed a lot...Rose:)