Japanese Volcano

a little poem a wrote based on one of my earliest memories

Wind whips the cream of mother’s milk

Atop the slick volcanic silk

They’ll nourish us, the fumes,

Until the hollows flourish.

Sky drips unbroken blood of mine

As I’m dangled off the edge

Frozen rock of father’s pledge

Uncompromised horizon line.

An ashen snapshot in a leather wallet

Buried deep can’t make me cry because

Up high the water stripes don’t weep.

We peer down at the blackened lawn,

The stalactite home the jig-sawed dog

Twin textbooks, wallets

Whirring cash, like kettles in the air, like

Paper walls with presidents

Who couldn’t see beyond the frosty surface

of the sea.

I think I danced far out for mother’s scent

Tripping on the time we spent, and imagine father

Must have lost his hold, and let me plunge into the mold

The molten stew so all along when I was young I had myself

In view.

Reviews

[RichGee]

Your inadvertent rhyme technique/skill is flawless...You make it seem easy/ natural....
That's talent/skill...great work!

[Bluefire]

Near the beginning I imagined a small child and a mother, I imagined the mother jumping into the volcano.
"They’ll nourish us, the fumes," I saw smoke and, strangely, a town of metal.
"Until the hollows flourish." Then I imagined the smoke slowly filling the hollows in the rock of the volcano and the town.
Blood dripped from the protagonist as they were hanging inside the volcano, about to drop when they remembered their father and many other things that would soon be destroyed.
I suppose the volcano took the city and left it a scar on the map.
And the rest of the world moved on with their day to day lives, because it didn't happen to them.
The protagonist takes one final look back to see what went wrong and realizes what they did was selfish and much like what their father did.
This had a lot of strong imagery like a slideshow of memories of a story once forgotten.
Well done!

[Ayvid N]

You were quite insightful and imaginative even at that age. Some lines were very attractive and I went back to them again and again. Like...

"Paper walls with presidents
Who couldn’t see beyond the frosty surface
of the sea."

"I think I danced far out for mother’s scent
Tripping on the time we spent, and imagine father
Must have lost his hold, and let me plunge into the mold"

Bitter sweet memories presented in your distinctive style...Great to read.

[Taylor H.]

Again I loved your word choice and the rhythm for this one flowed really well. I could picture everything you said and it still had a very mysterious (almost off into the distance) feel to it. Definitily felt like you were remembering something. Great poem

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you make great use of inadvertent rhyme, which works so well here...i feel the speaker, almost like "Cross" by langston hughes, feeling torn between emotions...a mother who always gave of herself for her son, loved him from birth, breast feeding and still..always with love.

and then the father...maybe gave money, tried to buy the love but was mostly absentee..

at least that is what i see...known enough who have gone through this...

love is not purchased, it is earned by actions...

nicely done..you are quite good, this makes me want to read more of you...and i will be back.

needing to get to sleep now...teaching in the morning...but thanks for the message...

[Beedlethebard]

Incredible imagery. Very powerful lines. They flowed into each other beautifully without ending abruptly. Fantastic poetry!

[Rossen]

I can't help but to enjoy the confusion stirred in, that flies in the face of those needing to make sense
of every word.. This poetry howls at the leaves of grass, finds the sounds that reach deeper and
wider then could be spoon fed with mushy alphabet soup...strong bold and confident words ring
clear and wake the wonder and spark new dreams. Loved every word.

Rossen

[Talia The Hedgehog]

what a beautiful poem. i enjoyed!

[ashesonfire]

You have a lot of imagery here, very vivid! I really like the line "Sky drips unbroken blood of mine" and "the stalactite home of the jig-sawed dog". Very nice!

Very beautiful poem over all :D

[Sarah H. (Shadow Mage)]

Another very nice poem. I simply adore poems that rhyme :)
Keep up the great work!