My Nemesis

Insecurities and mind boggling, real thoughts that boil in women

The donut

 

You told yourself was

Peppered with flakes of dandruff from your grandfather’s itchy scalp

Glossed with a clear sheen of nail varnish that will soon turn tawny

Smothered with sweaty, clumpy uneven messes of salt

Crammed with dense, saggy lumps of sludge from an abandoned roadside

Sprinkled with bold red, orange, yellow, pink, blue, green, purple pellets

That spelled misery

 

Your hamartia

Meant to haunt until delirium

Broken promises and too few fingers

To count all the times you’ve forgotten

The numbers that pranced round your head

Numbers beyond your toes and your control

And yet you still wanted disappeared every time you looked down

 

It became all about reduction

First your favorite dessert: vanilla frosted mini cupcake dipped in caramel

Next your lunch: the succulent, barbecued honey glazed beefsteak

Then your breakfast: cinnamon cornflakes with fresh milk

Plain lettuce salad became far too filling

Your meals slowly consisted of only gum and water

And nothing else

 

But with each and every shake of your head

You began to love yourself more and more

Your knees became thicker than your thighs

Your face so hollow you looked like you were constantly sucking your cheeks in

Your bicep so slender your quivering thumb and forefinger could meet around it

But it was never enough

Because it will never be enough.