Here at the cottage again

Here at the cottage again

I am so emotional right now …
I wish all of my pain could go away.
And I am at the cottage again , sitting down writing this poem.
And thinking about my depression and how emotional I am .
It has been 11 months since my dark lover has leave me.
And I haven’t been myself since he leave me.
My wrist is scar free for 10 months .
But sometime I wish I could just kill myself and not worry about my life any more.
My heart is black and cold .

We are at the lake for the second time.
The fire is bright and the weather is cold but beautiful .
I have all the time in the world to relax and not think about you .
The water is so clam and quiet .
It finally day time and I don’t sleep at all last night .
I was up all night thinking about you .
And I know that you have pass on .
And now I know you are one with the earth.
And I am happy about that .

A month pass by and I am standing over you tombstone.
Tears fall down the my face.
Now I can’t stop crying .
I don’t understand why I cry so much when I see your tombstone.
I am tired of cry all the time.
It a full moon tonight and every other night this week.
The weather is still cold and I am still emotional .
So I start writing in my diary again and again.
Trying to understand what is make me emotional all the time.

So I make cup of tea and I light up the fireplace .
And I start thinking about life .
Than I start to cry because every time I think about my life, I start thinking the things I regret doing when you were still alive .
The one thing I do regret doing is letting you leave me that day when you die.
I feel so sorry for letting you dead.
I am so sorry for hurting you.
I love you very much.
And I never wanted you to leave me.
Now I am hurting from the lose of you.
Your death really damaged me.

I cry all the time.
I wish that you were still alive to take care of me.
I wish I could stop crying over your death.
I am still at the cottage.
The fire is bright and the stars are out.
And my family is with me.
My family has no idea how damaged and depression I am.
I wish that they could understand whut I am going through.

They will never understand whut I am going through.
I cry a lot since you have dead.
And no one understand me.
I wish my family and everybody else could understand me.
It’s raining outside.
There is a full moon tonight and it is so bright.
There is black crows outside in the rain.
I lock myself in my room tonight and I am crying again.
I miss you.
I miss being with you.

I cried myself to sleep last night.
And now it’s daytime and it’s still raining.
I just wish for this pain to go away.
I am still here at the cottage.
I am one peace here at the cottage.
I wish you could be here with me.

Please I wish you could be with me.
I am so lonely without you.
I cry all the time because you are not here me.
Please come back to me, not in person but in spirit.
It always rains down here at the cottage.
I am in back pain right now.
I am depressed too.
I wish I had someone to take care of me.
Please goddess bring someone into my life.

Someone who could take care of me.
I am so lonely here at the cottage.
It’s fall and the leaves are turning colors .
I may has leave the cottage but my spirit has remained here at this place.
My remembers of your death would remained with me forever.
But now I have to live my life without in it.
This is the last time I will be here at the cottage.

Good bye my lover.

Reviews

[Jenny Nelson]

Much expression here. I like the image of the cottage; it fits the sadness of the piece. For our own sanity, we mourn then we have to move on because life does go on, even when there's one less person in the world. Hard and never ending, but not impossible. Nice write.