gift guilt

when you receive something from someone else, knowing you’ll feel guilty if you don’t repay them with something equal or greater.

how much longer will i be mad at the world
for not letting me understand my own feelings
and to write those s****y thoughts into words?

i’m not mad at the world, i’m mad at myself.
she needs to get her s**t together now
but she’s stuck, scared, and isn’t brave enough.

i’m not mad at myself, i’m not mad at all.

i’m rotting in bed, crying my eyes out.
i allow guilt to eat away at my withered soul for tonight.

i was never mad, i was burdened by guilt and fear.

guilt; for receiving things that i know i cannot pay back.
fear; that i’ll never be able to make up for it.

i’d rip open my chest and reveal my heart full of gratitude and love for you

but you don’t accept that method of payment

do you?