Chapter One

Jungkook and Jin, born in America, are half brothers and forced to move to Seoul by their parents. They're told to stay in a host time while they do their schooling in Korea. While Jungkook is in his

“You boys be careful,” Mrs. Jeon said, hugging her two boys to herself. “Jin, you watch over your brother. Don’t let him get into any trouble.”

“Mom, I won’t get into trouble,” the younger boy said with a pout.

“C’mon, Kookie,” Jin said, pulling away from their mother. “We’re going to miss our flight.”

“Bye bye, Umma,” Jungkook said, waving to his mother before following after Jin, who was tugging on his wrist. “Hyung! Slow down!”

“We’re going to miss it, Jungkook, I’m not slowing down,” Jin said, shaking his head.

“Well at least let go of my wrist,” Jungkook ordered, pulling his hand away and looking around at all the people who were staring at them. “Hyung, I don’t want to leave.”

“It’s better than staying here,” Jin said with a growl. “Anything is.”

Jungkook stopped talking and just followed his angry brother. After their parents came and told them that they were forcing the two to go to Seoul to finish their schooling, Jin was angrier than anything. Sure he always wanted to visit Korea, but not on these terms. They knew the language and everything, but they were American boys. They were going to walk into a foreign place where they knew nothing, and Jin was terrified.

Jin was always super close to his younger brother, and he always wanted to take care of him to the best of his ability. He was scared of going to Korea with him. This year they were supposed to go to high school together, and Jin would be able to take care of his brother at school. But in Korea that was different. In Korea, ninth graders were still in middle school.

Jin sighed as he and Jungkook sat down in their assigned seats in the plane. He didn’t look at his brother as he plugged in his music. They were going to have a long plane ride, but Jin didn’t want to think about that. Maybe his music would help him fall asleep. For some reason, he just didn’t want to talk to Jungkook. Maybe everything will be better when they get to Korea. Maybe he’ll be okay then.

 

...

 

“Hyung, wake up,” Jungkook said, shaking his older brother. “Hyung, we’re here. Get up!”

“What?” Jin says, waking up with puffy eyes.

“We made it to Korea!” Jungkook said excitedly, bouncing up and down. “Come on! Let’s go!”

“Calm down, precious,” Jin said, letting out a loud yawn while stretching before standing up. “That was fast.”

“You were asleep the whole time, hyung,” Jungkook said, rolling his eyes. “Now let’s go!”

Jungkook started running down the aisle of the plane and out the door. He didn’t care about waiting for his brother as he rushed outside, looking for their new host family. He was excited about coming to Korea and meeting new people. This was his real home and he never got to see it. Now he got to live here, and he couldn’t be any happier.

Once he made it out, he saw a huge sign that had his and Jin’s names on it. Grinning widely, Jungkook ran over to it. A couple and a boy his age stood there waiting for them. The woman smiled as soon as Jungkook ran up to them. Seconds later, Jin joined them.

“You guys must be Jungkook and Jin,” the woman said with a bright smile. “I’m Park Sun Hi, and this is my son Park Jimin and my husband, Park Joonji.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jungkook said, bowing politely. “I’m Jeon Jungkook, and this is my brother, Kim Seok Jin.”

“I thought you two were brothers,” the boy named Jimin said, frowning at them. “Why do you have two different last names?”

“Jungkook’s my half brother,” Jin stated. “We have two different dads. My dad died.”

“Oh,” Jimin said with a frown, backing away.

“Alright, so Jimin here is in the same grade as you, Jungkook,” Mrs. Park said as they grabbed the boys’ luggage and then started walking towards the car. “The two of you are going to a private school across the street from us. Jimin will be able to show you around. Seokjin, your school is also private, but it’s a little farther away. It is, however, right next to my husband’s dance studio, so he’ll be able to take you to school and pick you up every day. You both will start school tomorrow.”

“I’ve never been to a private school,” Jungkook said with a frown. “Hyung and I have always gone to public schools. And wait... isn’t it summer? Why do we have school?”

“School started like two months ago,” Jimin stated. “We don’t have a summer like you guys do.”

“Wait. No summer. I’m still in middle school. What is this madness?!” Jungkook complained as they piled into the car.

“That’s Korea for you, Kookie,” Jin said with a sigh. “Everything’s changing for us.”

“That’s a very weird change! I barely got any break!” Jungkook complained, crossing his arms.

“In Korea we only get a month of vacation time,” Jimin said, shrugging his shoulders.

“I only got two weeks,” Jungkook said with a pout.

“Why complain, at least the year is partly over with,” Jimin stated.

“Everything will be okay, Kookie,” Jin said, ruffling his hair. “Don’t worry about it.”

 

...

 

“We’re in the same homeroom,” Jimin stated, walking away from Jungkook without a glance towards him. “That means all of our classes are together, and we have classes for half a day. Afterwards, we need to go to Seokjin’s school for our afternoon classes.”

“Why do we need to go to two separate schools?” Jungkook asked, trying to stay caught up to the boy.

“Because we do,” Jimin stated. “Here’s the rules, when we’re in class, don’t talk to me. I have a very high social status, and I don’t need you ruining it.”

“Excuse me?” Jungkook asked, frowning as he was once again ignored. He quickly followed after the boy, who walked into a classroom that was already full.

“You’re late, Park Jimin,” the teacher hissed as soon as Jimin walked in.

“Sorry, had a stupid issue I had to take care of,” Jimin stated, before walking to the back of the room and sitting down next to a very smiley guy.

“And who are you?” the teacher asked, turning on Jungkook, who was awkwardly standing in the doorway.

“Oh, um... I’m Jeon Jungkook... I’m a transfer student from Los Angeles.. This is my homeroom,” Jungkook said, shifting shyly as everyone stared at him.

“Oh right, I heard you were coming this week,” the teacher said with a nod. “Go have a seat next to Taehyung in the front there.”

“Neh,” Jungkook obeyed, rushing over to sit next to the said boy, almost tripping over his own feet and causing everyone in the room to laugh.

“What an idiot,” Jimin whispered to Hoseok, shaking his head.

Jungkook blushed deeply and sunk down in his seat. He wasn’t liking all this attention. He’s already embarrassed himself, and it was only the first day of class. This was going to be one crazy year, he could see that already. Sighing, he secretly took out his phone and saw that he had a message from his brother.

From Jin: How’s everything going? Wish we could be at the same school.

From Kookie: Actually, I have afternoon classes over there. And it’s awful so far. Jimin’s being a big jerk and I already embarrassed myself in front of my class. =_=

“Don’t let the teach catch you with that thing,” a voice whispered into his ear, startling Jungkook and causing him to almost drop his phone.

“Don’t do that, you scared me,” Jungkook hissed, looking at the now laughing boy.

“Sorry,” the boy said, straightening himself out. “So who are you texting?”

“My brother,” Jungkook said with raised eyebrows. “Not that that’s any of your business.”

“You have a brother? How old is he?” the boy asked with wide eyes.

“He’s seventeen,” Jungkook replied. “He’s a senior in high school.”

“Whoa! That’s so cool,” the boy said, nodding his head. “Oh, my name’s Taehyung, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jungkook said, nodding his head.

“You see Hoseok and Jimin back there?” Taehyung asked, secretly pointing to the boys. “Stay clear of them. They’re the world’s biggest jerks.”

“Actually Jimin’s parents are my host family,” Jungkook stated. “He said to stay away from him at school, but I don’t know why.”

“Well, if people see him with people like us... Well he’ll become a laughing stalk,” Taehyung said, shrugging his shoulders. “It would humiliate them.”

“Huh,” Jungkook said, nodding his head, just as another message came in for him.

From Jin: While at school, don’t go around him. I don’t want you being alone with him. I’m sorry to hear that, Kookie. I knew he didn’t look like a good person.

From Kookie: I’ll live, hyung. I wish you were here, though. I need my brother.

From Jin: You’ll see me tonight. Don’t worry, Kookie. Gotta go, class is starting.

Jongkook sighed and put his phone away, deciding it would be good to listen to the teacher, who was talking about some charity project. Once the teacher left, the class was left to have a little free time before their math teacher came in. Jungkook looked over at Taehyung, who was smiling widely at Jungkook. No one else seemed to want to talk to him, so it seemed he was stuck with this kid. Honestly, he had to problem with that.

“Hey you, new kid!” a voice shouted from the back, causing Taehyung and Jungkook to turn around and find Hoseok mimicking his trip from earlier. “Or should I call you Mr. Klutz?”

“Leave him alone, Jung Hoseok!” Taehyung growled, glaring at the bully.

“You dare talk to my friend like that?” Jimin asked with wide eyes, making a punching movement and causing all the kids in the class to laugh. “You wanna die?”

“Just ignore them,” Taehyung said with a sigh, turning away and causing Jungkook to do the same. “There’s no point in listening to them.”

“Do they always do this?” Jungkook asked, looking at Taehyung.

“Every single day,” Taehyung replied, nodding his head. “I’m their main target.”

“Hey, you, Kim Taehyung!” Jimin cried, suddenly right in front of the two. “Don’t you dare ignore me. You remember what happened the LAST TIME you did that?”

“Y-yah, back off,” Taehyung whispered, sinking in his seat a little.

“Back off, Jimin,” Jungkook said, glaring at his host family’s son. “You know very well Jin isn’t going to accept you treating me this way. And if you treat my friend like this too, Jin will know.”

“Oh who cares about stupid Kim Seokjin,” Jimin said, rolling his eyes. “He’s not here right now, now is he? Your precious older brother isn’t here to protect you.”

“He may not be here, but I do have your parents on speed dial,” Jungkook hissed under his breath so that only he and Taehyung could hear him. “If they find out their precious son is tormenting their host children, I bet you’ll be in a lot of trouble.”

“Jeon Jungkook,” Jimin growled, scowling at him. “I’m warning you now, if you bring my parents into this, I swear you’re dead.”

“Oh, but it’s funny,” Jungkook said with a small smile. “You can only do things when we’re at school. When we’re around my brother, you can’t even lay a hand on me, you big fat, ugly, bully.”

“What did you just call me?!” Jimin cried, grabbing a hold of Jungkook’s collar.

“Let’s calm down, Jimin,” Hoseok said, detaching Jimin’s hand from the boy’s shirt. “The teacher is coming and we don’t want to get into trouble.”

“You’re dead meat, Jeon Jungkook,” Jimin hissed over his shoulder as Hoseok pulled him back over to his seat. “You and Kim Taehyung are dead meat! Your stupid, smart a*s, remarks aren’t going to save you.”

“Ignore him,” Taehyung said once again, shaking his head.

“I’m not scared of him,” Jungkook said, shrugging his shoulders. “He doesn’t scare me one bit.”

Reviews

[Dillon Flynn]

Okay, let's start with the positive stuff: Having two Korean-American protagonists and sending them back to their country of origin is a great set-up for a Young Adult novel, it would speak to a large section of Korean and American teens who are underrepresented in the literature world. I also enjoyed the relationship between Jin and Jungkook, which felt pretty authentic.

Here are some of my issues: You charged forward into the story much too quickly. By the time the boys got to their first day of school in Korea, I felt like we had skipped over so much and I didn't have a good handle on who they were and what the trip was like, aside from being irritated by the lack of a summer vacation. Consider giving us a glimpse of what life was like for the boys back home in America, saying goodbye to their friends or bickering with their parents. Show me what is about to change so that the change feels like it has some real stakes. Also, before you even jump into the first day of school, you need to show us their first night with the host family. Who are the Park family? What are they like? It felt like about half of this chapter was taken up by the altercation between Jimin and Jungkook, but I didn't know enough about either of them to care what happened either way.

Your dialogue can be very mechanical. Here are some examples of characters talking like they're little exposition machines and not humans:

"Don’t let him get into any trouble.”
“Mom, I won’t get into trouble"

“We have two different dads. My dad died.”

“Sorry, had a stupid issue I had to take care of"

“Let’s calm down, Jimin. The teacher is coming and we don’t want to get into trouble.”

You should consider doing some character work extraneous from your actual writing. Sit down with a sheet of paper or on your computer and figure out who all of these people are. What is their history? What is their point of view? How do you want to see them change over the course of the story? Once you know your characters more intimately, writing lifelike, interesting dialog for them will become much easier.

These are only my thoughts, I wish you luck on the book.

[Akashi]

Their characters seem to fit them except for Hoseok's. I don't think he would be a bully.... :(