31.Alarm clock

Poem n video by pal. Talking to each one; Knew what went wrong;Intentions laudable; Not their thoughtlessness; Both daughters mumbled same; Thinking of u would be late; Set alarm earlier 1/2 each; Wife did rest by 1 hour.

 

Alarm clock

 

Wanted to hit bed early

Set clock alarm 4 am

Train scheduled at 5

Had work, next town

 

Alarm struck

Oh!! I don’t like

No way! Had to leave

Can’t afford train missed

 

Didn’t like disturb

Others from sleep

Stealthily walked out

Lucky, had taxi waiting

 

Ah! I was at station

Thank God! Well in time

But something wrong

Why all looked empty

 

Glancing at my watch

I was dumbstruck

Clock needles

Showing time 2.30

 

What went wrong!

Didn’t clock strike right!!

Hadn’t I set alarm right!

Doesn’t clock work fine!!

 

It was agony wait

Mind uneasy

Ah! Train was on time

Hoped, success day ahead

 

Almost I had forgotten

My morning misery

Nearing home, thoughts linger

What went wrong!

 

Talking to each one

Knew what went wrong

Intentions laudable

Not their thoughtlessness

 

Both daughters mumbled same

Thinking of u would be late

Set alarm earlier 1/2 each

Wife did rest by 1 hour

 

I was yelling n furious

Then went cool, smile

Each cared me a lot

Wanted me not run late

 

They wanted me winner

Not a loser, cared me more

Does it matter!

I had to suffer some

 

Life in a family

A blessing many a treasure

So much fun and life

Sharing of pleasure n pains

 

Pal

Poem n video by pal

26.Alarm clock

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuRwJb2e9dA

 

Poem by pal.Translation n video by Marina, Russia

69.Alarm clock (Будильник) in Ruski

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlP46Nyy4b8

 

Author's Note

A good poet, need to be great human to accept critics without being critical. Thats what i wish to be.

Reviews

[Sarah]

This is a cute poem and a fun concept to write about. I enjoyed the sort of ungraceful way that it was written - because that's how our thoughts are in the morning. They hardly make any sense at all.^^ The fact that this poem was written in such a way only further brings out the chaos in the narrator's mind as they rush to get ready and eventually realize what their family has done. Great job. (:

[Peaches]

I think the choppiness added to the theme of the poem, and I like the serious/playful back and forth.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Very well written poem. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Emily B]

Thoughtful daughters are indeed a blessing. This made me smile.

[Kathleen Marie]

Very well done and stated. I can so relate.

[Tamme]

It's nice to have people who care so much for us. I had to take my time reading this but your point is made and I must say my reaction would have been the same.

[TL Boehm]

I can certainly relate to this! the alarm clock is the bane of my existence. Nicely done and with just the right bit of humor added.

[Jason]

Very interesting content. I think that the flow is choppy but it is not neccessarily a bad thing. I feel that you may want to put more work into this piece though, it has great potential.

All in all not bad!

Jason

[Wanda S. Paryla]

The writing is a bit choppy, and some parts don't come across as I think you intended. Has this been translated from another language? This is a fun and interesting subject for a poem. I think you did a great job conveying your ideas.

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

Almost everyone can relate to not wanting to get up when the alarm rings! You chose a good topic and presented us with funny look at good intents going awry. :-) Sharon