Impossibility

A lovely dream I had one night...

 Once upon a time.

I thought I was in love.

Twice upon a time,

I found out I was wrong.

Third time,

Proved that I didn't know what love was.

There was never a fourth.

Too much of my heart died.

Another go wasn't possible.

Fear of not surviving that hurt again.

The hurt of being fooled.

Of being wrong.

So many before me found the real thing.

But each time leaves me more lost.

It feels like no one could understand,

But I know so many can.

What hurts the most,

Is knowing that each attempt,

Each failure,

Was solely my fault.

I think I fear the possibility of love,

More than I want it.

And I want it so bad.

But the fear immobilizes me.

Holds me prisoner.

Making anything I want,

An impossibility.

That's all this is anyway.

It's all an impossibility.

If I ever had love,

I wouldn't know what to do with it anyway.

I'd end up wasting it's preciousness.

It's perfection would be thrown away on me.

What a beautiful impossibility it is though.

It seems like a faerie tale.

Beautiful,

But unreal.

Only found in the land of make believe.

Only found in my dreams when I close my eyes.

To be lost in those dreams,

Would be all I'd ever need.

Dreaming only of the unattainable.

Dreaming only of the impossibility.