Help

Written at a time of helplessness

I don’t mean to be this way.
I don’t mean to close everything out.
Lock myself in.
I just do it.
I hate it.
And I don’t know what to do from here.
Do I do what I always do?
Stay closed away.
Or do I fight this time?
I just feel like I’m losing all my will.
Any strength I once had,
Is gone.
I’m weak,
I’m scared,
And I don’t know that I can take anymore.
I do this all the time.
When I’ve taken all I can take,
I close myself off completely.
I cut all ties.
When I emerge,
I just start over.
And I do it all over again,
But just with different people this time.
It’s seemingly incapable for me to keep any one person around too long.
It doesn’t matter what that person may promise,
In the end,
I push them all away.
And they never come back.
I didn’t see myself closing off so soon though.
It seems like this happens more and more frequently.
It’s a fairly simple process,
But it hurts more than anyone knows.
I get stuck inside myself,
Trying to fight a hopeless battle,
All while severing the heart strings that held me together for so long.
One person.
All I want is one person.
Is that really so much to ask for?
One person that can give me a reason to stop this process.
One person that won’t let me fight alone,
No matter how hard I try to push them away.
I want just one person to always be there for me.
When I’m pushing,
They stand their ground,
And stand mine too.
I can’t keep doing this alone.
I can’t keep fighting these losing battles.
I only have so many heart strings left.
Then I just won’t care anymore.
Then I’ll just be hollow.
I don’t want to be hollow.
I don’t want to do this on my own anymore.
If there was ever a cry for help,
This is it.
If there were ever warning signs,
This is the biggest one yet.
I’ll just keep praying that someone hears my silent screams.
My muted pleas.
My invisible tears.

Reviews

[piggy]

Oh, very sad.
It was well written and I loved reading it.