My story

is my life worth having a future to?

they say that people who are depressed are more outgoing and nice. in my experience yes, but the thing that i never got was that if were such nice people why don't we have nice people in our lives. maybe we have a few but what are they really doing if they cant help you.  they say were seeking pity but no were seeking attention, attention to be loved, to be thought of, cared for and actually seen through the eyes of someone who can take the pain away, if only momentarily, we still want to feel, we want to love, to be loved. my problem isn't with being hurt bad by guys although i have been, its being where i just have had so much discouragement in not only in myself but in other people, ive gotten nothing but lies and betrayal, which is apart of life, but then you ask yourself how much more you can deal with, how much more till you hit your breaking point. some people get help, got to therapy, doctors, take medication, but for some of us like myself nothing works. although i still go to therapy and take meds, i feel ill never be fully myself until its gone, like im in the body of a corpse who came back to life, but isn't living. everyone says they can help me, that they can save me, but yet im sitting here waiting, wondering, confused as to why im not saved yet. they say it takes time, but its been 7years of waiting. i want to be happy but every time i put that into motion something or someone comes along and takes that away. and ive never been afraid to fall, afraid to die, afraid of my past, im just afraid of the future, if i even have one. question is..

do i want one?