Marry me - NO!

Prompt of the day - 11-12-10 PROMPT CHOICE 3 List 7 reasons to turn down a marriage proposal. And then write the seven reasons and why in a poem.

On bended knee, he begs at my feet.
"Dear Apoline, do me the honor,
My dear one, my sweet,
Say yes."

Ring in hand. In my hand.
"No. Ian."
I stood frozen where I stand,
watching my love's face crumple.

"Dear, dear Ian, my love,
I would if I could."

"But why, my beautiful Dove?"
Confusion replacing nervousness.

A tear rolled down my cheek,
"You are here, but have been and will be gone long.
To find the treasure that you seek."

"I go for us."

"Money matters not to me.
Can't you see?
Family is more important,
But you care only for possession.
I will not be a trophy."

Looking at her, hurt,
"You do me wrong..."

"No, dear Ian, I do a favor.
For it is beauty you savor...
I lost that when you were gone for four year and more.
I am no maiden any more."

Cupping his face,
"Lastly, my father,
He has already married me,
In your absence, I grew old and cold.
He found a good man to watch me,
To father a child."

He shook his head, disgraced.
"You said you would wait."

Apoline put her kerchief to her mouth.
"You told me I wouldn't have too."

Author's Note

fixed a grammatical error or two that were driving me crazy.

Reviews

[Truman S. Booth]

I like the poetic dialog, more proper than people actually speak. It made it a poem while retaining the drama and tone of what was going on. I also like the sporadic rhyme scheme--maybe it's more specific than I see, but I like the random feel.

Perhaps you did this on purpose--I'm not a Point of View style expert--but in some stanzas (the first few) the poem is from Apoline's first person perspective, and in others it dons a third person view. I'm sorry if I'm being naive to some deep undertone, but the change is distracting for me.

But I really liked it. Well written, touching.

[Goodbye]

Has such an old-fashioned feel to it, yet still the age-old problem of distance.

Great read!

[Eile MacIntyre]

This was soo good. Bravo!

[Misty Blue Eyes]

wow a stunning piece.....

[Penny Ellen]

Yikes! Promises, promises... love sucks.

[nono]

Nice, it's unusual for a writer to put in diolouge, but you did a nice job doing so. Very clever. I love how you wrote this, telling us the reasons. Keep up the good work!

[MuSe Ampoule]

Very good! To love and loose, without knowing to only realize too late. Good write, full of heartache.