episode.

A Poem by addisone

the cycle of depression

I wanted to disappear, upset it's actually working.

I didn't escape anywhere beautiful and calm.

No, I'm still here just a little less here.

Yeah I'm still here just a little less here.

A little more hidden like the secrets I keep, but barely skin deep cause they wear on me like wet heavy clothes.

Or pull at my oxygen like this tightened up rope.

I wanted to become someone else so I could forget my past, but it doesn’t work that way so I’m stuck running laps.

Lungs clutching at my chest for me to stop and breathe, but if I did then my demons would catch up to me.

Swallow me whole and spit me out without my conscious or sense of self.

Old me just collecting dust an resting on the shelf.

I become one with the silence that embalms my apartment walls.

Head spins till I'm thrown off balance and my dead weight causes me to fall.

Shatter like a vase, and no ones coming around to pick the pieces up.

So I lay here until the carpet soaks me up; threaded, flayed, strained and thinned.

My failures show, I let my demons win again.

_______________________

Washed up poet, I hate to be in my own skin.

Wake up faulty an mundane, silent evil whispering red room corruption in my fatty brain.

Files extorted, distorted and glitchy from the constant scratching of my nails against my head.

I get the same effect when I'm scratching words against the paper with this pen.

Handwriting sloppy like the walking of a drunk, punch line accuracy followed by an ash; where particles of chemicals leave holes an spark these pages up in a flash.

_______________________

My body started to reject itself, deterioration started with a bad snap of the nerves.

Abandonment of self contention, fleeting moments of expression leave me with no words.

Deprived myself sick of interaction, until I hear the walls of my apartment start barking and laughing.

I scream "silence" in convulsions, to all the flies buzzing in my ear while I attempt to rest.

Frightened by my unspoken abrasive action to quite down the chatter and manic crashing, I awake with restraints holding me in place.