forever autumn

love, but just the breaking point.

The second take so appealing

Magnet lips pulling at my lonesome palms

She's the only yellow in here, but it's not the clothes she's got on. 

  It's in the smile.

Her sun baked skin uneasy with the sitting, she's a mover.

Where's the music.

Waving frantic, young hands full of life.

She is my golden chariot for the night, here to relieve me of my pain.

  Caught us flowers in mouth, drunk dancing in the rain.

Every cigarette excuse her from the heat;

so I told her it was like fire but with the best kind of feeling.

When your skin connected with mine, like two coins pressed together on a mountain pass.

Wine stained lips swapping laughs, past advances and smiles snuck through the cracks in our aching souls.

Heart strings tugging at each other tangled in the web of dancing.

I couldn't have dreamt this.

 "You're a dream" she says but with a internal tongue that could make any golden meadow look grey.

Nothing will ever be the same after tasting your speckled skin like swimming in the stars.

I wanted to look like your dream, but I'm just slightly tattered and torn.

I hated every second washing you off my skin, or picking up the petals knowing they'll only get drier.

But thank god there'll always be rain.

A stolen rose resting melodic on my freshly made bed; where your head rested now grows a garden.

I will be the caretaker, the botanic nurse.

All your gentle flowers blossoming from my Aztec pillow case, I become one with the garden you left for me.

'Live in the moment' as to go with the flow of the water.

Submerged in your aura, soul sucking heart grip.

Love every second, dip out dip in.

Lips touch lips like electric coils flipping on a switch.

And you wrote this with finger tips upon my skin, I just picked out the words.

Distributing Calligraphy coded trails, inkless but not meaningless none of it hurt.

She tells me of numerology, of how the stars led her here.

A moment of clarity my parents fountain of marriage soundless in the background.

"This is where my parents got married, it was beautiful once.

" As she leans into kiss me she says: "..it still is handsome."

Prancing deer in headlights looking for something magical to say, but the closer you get my words just seem to trail away.

But that's okay that's okay, we don't need to say a thing too know the moment is gold.

Our quivering touch nervous for departure, an aubade lightning storm between each centimeter of our lips separated.

Midnight doves singing behind her words, nature and nurture together as one.

We saw the trees, we saw the mountains.

Talked to the bears and kissed next to fountains.

Drank wine; fearlessly laughed, admired beauty and shed skin in the grass.

Diastematic our bodies had become, danced with the moon and shook hands with the sun.

Candles lit to paint the flickering warmth of your body on mine, hearts engaged in harmony like beating solely together for the first time.

Everything we thought we knew about correct timing, held strong like sinew.

Our heart strings led us, so now we know that it's true.

Your my golden chariot, and my soul belongs to you.

I felt my hands dancing like a fly not knowing where to land, hovering above your body in hopes to touch your skin just right.

As her hands shook like leaves in the autumn breeze, nervous of the approaching endorphin release.

Let it be known, the words I used to mesmerize will never be yours to own.

So hush me, in sleep stay blurred like Faces seen once but memorized.

Returned scenes of childhood streets, now running rampart with you.

Don't keep me in your memories, I will only flood everything blue.

Will you not wonder if my lips become stitched in someone else's skin?

Or are you not so caught up in things that don't concern you anymore?

I wished upon a eyelash resting gently on her fingertip thumb, I asked the universe please let me keep this one.

Let me keep her close.

But the fool am I too think there was room for me in the crashing river that is your life.

You spoke to me like an employer that was calling to let me know I didn't get the job.

Bargained my heart for something at a price that'd be considered technically a steal.

And so you taught me about destiny, still not sure how it works.

Cause even when I look to the stars I can still feel the hurt.

There are no stars guiding us, just words that make us feel comfort.

But if you knew all along then why did it hurt so bad?

Atoms acting blushed flushing red tingled fear splattered with an odious of self.

Obsessed though, thoughts had reeked.

'Every thought a thought of you.'

But what I thought had only been a fabrication, manifest some divine lie.

All the aching of my thinned heart, beating like a war drum to the sound of your 'goodbye'

But it was so good to hear your sweet echoing voice one last time.

Cut short by scratching at my window, wildlife snooping around for a temporary pillow.

The raccoons came bravely tonight to feast on whatever they could.

  So I let them in because I was also hungry, but for something they could only briefly give.

The company, some farewell notion too discouraged.

Now I'll spend all the same time spent dreaming in outlined visions, forgetting the freckles on your face.

I'll have to forget you.

All the yellow sunflowers turned blue.

I won't forget you.

A reflection of the everyday rain in me.

Did you feel it?

I should have known, When you said what's the catch?

"Not me, I guess" I should have said.

But I think I knew, weighed down by the heart string no wonder my neck started turning blue.

I met you too early or too late.

Just another captured moment illustrated by my thoughts, vivid descriptions of the feeling that I got.

What's another wasted paragraph of recycled romantic verses, compared to the doctrine of established textbook love curses?

So gentle my goodbye shaking words, awestruck in oblivion.

I just wanted to save my soul, I was so worried you'd never love someone like me.

But I guess it's true, the things we do to extend our days.

Any sense of self recovery battling the pain.

And so I rested, restless hoping for the sun.

Woke up heavy yet again, the moon was still the glowing one.

You are the stranger blue bird.

I painted you once on a bent canvas board.

And with no words I spoke about your beauty.

As you only spoke about avoiding.

If fear really drives us on an everyday basis then why is it so hard to say what you want to say?

Should have, worried about tomorrow's disappointing progress a lot less.

Finding out how easily I slip into ignorance.

What bliss is found here, my only secondary release.

So instead you'll find me laying somewhere with the autumn leaves

Or digging deep into the mint bush playing with the busy bees.

Such sweet goodbyes from the people we see ourselves in.

And I could relate because I've seen my own reflection.

But like every other, there's nothing special about a rose until it becomes your rose.

With no intentions to blossom, I wonder why my Vegas flower soaked up my sunlight.

Only to tell me there's another brighter sun whose won.

The dry hanging petals in the dark of my closet, I shall now crush into tea.

Drink with stained lips, my golden chariots last wish.

I spoke too soon of divinity and praise.

Wasted thoughts of words I'll never say, but then you called..

Answer shallow, dipped in the beginning of the sea.

Slipping hello pushed from the bottom of my stomach.

I knew what was coming but either way I loved it.

Cause just for the moment, it was still a lasting moment.

Not yet shut down by obvious detachment.

Cut with golden scissors, blonde hair pulled tight around my fingers.

Whatever it was of her, I whisper "don't let it linger".

I will not be defeated by the ghosts from my past, and I will not be defeated by the lingering of you.

I begged your body not to forfeit, I loved the aching hour.

Even in your coward words, I could still feel the flower.

The flower that is your soul, blossoming out towards me as a whole.

Can we not find beauty in goodbyes, even when they thin us?

Can we just not..

No talk, silent seconds.

Forced to break the ice with teeth.

What a terrifying feeling to feel your compassion flee.

They are just words though.

Remind myself to not hang on just let go.

-addisone.