A Golden Goodbye

I wrote this poem about all the times I search for my dog, expecting him to be there but he is gone.

I wait for you
I always will,
I wait forever more.
To hear your soft bounding paws
as they sweep across the floor.
To hear your bark,
to feel your fur,
to smell your doggie breath.
I will wait forever
for a long wet doggie kiss.
But no matter how long I wait,
no matter where I go,
I can wait forever
and you will never show.
I will never feel your fur again,
never hear your bark
never will your pounding paws
stir love up in my heart.
never, never, never
will you ever show
for you golden body lies
beneath the ground,
forever more...

Author's Note

How is it? Anything I can change?

Reviews

[Riley Bray]

I really like this poem, however the syllables get a bit mixed up when it goes from,
"To hear your bark,
to feel your fur,
to smell your doggie breath,"

to

"I will wait forever
for a long wet doggie kiss."

It sounds like it could use a two syllable word there to keep up with the rest...possibly use always after will? The only other thing I noticed was the grammatical error on the line, "For you golden body lies." Just change the you to your and its absolutely perfect.

[Oh Wow, Lovely.]

Half way through i realized it was about a dog! lol but i like it :)

[Isabelle Faye]

Yeah, I can see why you would be confused. I'm just going to guess, but, did the word "doggie" tip you off? I'm glad you liked it. Thank you
For your review.

[Oh Wow, Lovely.]

well you would think that but no, I read it aloud and my friends were like "what?" so then they read it to and they were like its about a dog and im just like oh :)

[Isabelle Faye]

Ha ha. I hadn't realized that it was that confusing. I'm sorry for confusing you but I'm honored that you read the poem to your friends.

[Oh Wow, Lovely.]

I'm confused easily so don't feel bad.and yea it's a good poem :)

[Isabelle Faye]

I'm really glad that you like it.

[Oh Wow, Lovely.]

yes:)

[Legolas]

Very sad story. Its perfect the way it is. It is a very well written poem