Seaside Girl

There once was a girl who dreamed of going to the seaside...

I knew a girl whose life dream was to go to the seaside and see the ocean for herself. She dreamed of it day and night, of the gentle lulling sound of the tide and the frothing waters.

Time passed and one day she went there, driving up the coast in a silver convertible. With lips cherry red, skin pearl pale, and hair mahogany brown, she was the embodiment of beauty.

All day long, the girl combed the beach, picking up sand dollars and tiny, intricate shells to bring back with her so she’d always have a piece of the sea near her. And as the sun set, she lay in the sand to watch it sink beneath the ocean waves and watched the water turn from blue to black. She felt safe, content, at home. Slowly her eyelids fluttered shut and she drifted off to sleep.

As she slumbered, the sea crept up to claim its Aphrodite, who had been away for far too long. It washed over her pearl skin and red lips, and floated her mahogany brown hair on its currents. It wrapped ropes of water around her arms, and slowly dragged her down to its depths, for the sea was not about to lose the goddess it had just received. And the sleeping girl did not notice, and the sleeping girl did not wake, and as she slipped beneath the surface to her watery grave, a small smile rested upon her pale face, as the sea reclaimed its queen.

Author's Note

Sorry I've been gone for a long time. I probably won't be posting regularly, but here's something I wrote a few days ago. What do you guys think?

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A beautiful tale in the story. The sea claim the girl and she went to her with a smile. No weakness in the amazing story.
Coyote

[Isabelle Faye]

Thank you very much for your kind review.

[Riley Bray]

Lovely imagery and spectacular story! You already know I jump when I see so much as a reference to Greek mythology, not to mention one of my top three goddesses, but the language itself was flawless. The only comments I have on this are as follows:

"With lips cherry red and skin pearl pale and hair mahogany brown, she was the embodiment of beauty."---I don't like the use of and in this sentence, solely because it shows up twice.

"And as she slumbered, the sea crept up to claim its Aphrodite, who had been away for far too long."---The and starting this sentence sounds odd because the line before it uses it about two words before it.

"And the sleeping girl did not noticed, and the sleeping girl did not wake, and as she slipped beneath the surface to her watery grave, a small smile rested upon her pale face, as the sea reclaimed its queen."---the only thing here is that noticed should be notice. :P

Anyyyyway, I LOVED this story SO much!!! And I really hope you'll start getting more active on this site, like you were a few months back. Welcome back Isabelle!!!!!

100/100

[Isabelle Faye]

Thank you very much for the critiques. I changed those things and have done some formatting as well. What do you think of the piece now? And I don't know if I'll be more active on this site, so don't welcome me back yet.

[Riley Bray]

Bah, don't be so pessimistic. Anyway, the formatting is nice, a fresh way to do it. I approve. X)

[Isabelle Faye]

I don't think I'm being pessimistic, I think I'm being realistic. I'm glad that you like the formatiting, and once again, thank you for the review.

[Riley Bray]

Oy oy oy. Of course.