She Wasn't

She was one of those toddlers,
who wore pastels on Easter.
Purple bows and shiny white shoes.
Golden curls cascade her shoulders
and the smiles that frequented her mouth
so often
were pure enough that if she frowned,
you'd do anything just to see her smile again.

She was one of those kids,
who got everything she wanted.
It wasn't that she was spoiled,
it was as if the world wanted her to be happy in it.
It knew the power of her smile,
and she learned early on
how to use it.

She began high school with
golden curls tied up in navy blue bows,
her smile similarly tied up
in working too hard to please.
She was one of those people,
who made everything look easy,
as if her life had previously been laid out for her
perfectly forming jigsaw pieces.
A picture that looked flawless-
to everyone but her.

And then she found what she thought she was missing.
He was two years her senior,
and everything
she wasnt.
And with that learned smile,
she got him too.

Choosing him above all,
she became one of those girls,
who belonged to someone else.
Carefully crafting a world that she didn't belong in,
golden curls turn straight and black.
This was fake but it was fun,
a world she had previously known nothing of.
She didn't know who she was.

Now everyone knew what she was not.
For what she wanted,
no longer came in pastels and purple bows. 

She watched as he clung to these things that clouded his future,
enveloping herself in an unfamiliar world
with a cloud of smoke that obstructed her view of life.
She knew she was losing her future too. 

But she wasn't going to give up on him, though it pricked and teared at her in the same time.

She grasps at those things that made her believe,
she wasn't the toddler with the shiny white shoes anymore.
With her palm bleeding,
she holds his hand.

She wasn't one of those girls,
who had forgotten how to care.
She was one of those girls,
who cared too much.