The Sacred Milkshake

a story about a prophet that goes on an adventure "don't take it seriously"

One day a god wanted from his prophet to bring him something. So the prophet kept asking the god about it but the god answered: "I will not tell you, you have to discover it by yourself." And so the prophet went on his way until he found a ravine that was full of lava. He entered that ravine barely able to avoid stepping the lava then he found a giant treasure chest so he opened it with great difficulty and he found..... THE "Sacred Milkshake".

When he found the what was inside the chest, he became very mad and he said:

"What was the point of this!? I almost sacrificed my life for a milkshake!?"

Then the god said: 

"Don't talk about something you don't know." and He flew away.

The prophet did not understand what the god had said, so he took the milkshake and went back home.

When the god returned, he said to him in a weak voice: "Drink it." 

"O-okay." said the prophet. And so when he drank it, HE BECAME THE NEW GOD.

~THE END.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading. Tell me if there's anything I can fix or improve in the story. :)

Reviews

[Undying Glory]

Funny parable, this could be a fable in and of itself. Good writing!

[wordman]

loved the story,the image was great vas well

[golden_dooky]

thank you my friend i hope you liked it and please tell your friends about it thx.

[R.E. Ray]

A humorous write that leaves the reader asking, "McDonalds, Dairy Queen, or some other milkshake?" :) Always good to read something funny in the Cafe. Keeps the mood light. I look forward to reading more.

[golden_dooky]

It seems as if you have read many boring stories before visiting my page. And I hope my story changed this routine. Thank you for your review.

[H L Rose]

This seems like it was fun to write! I like the silly tone.

If I could offer any constructive criticism, it would be that when the god “flew away”, it was a bit of an abrupt image, because the god being a flying person was not established before.

But overall it was fun to read!

[golden_dooky]

thank you for your review and i will fix the issue that was in the story :)

[H L Rose]

Of course! Glad I could help!

[emipoemi]

I second this review.....I would like to further it by saying the whole story seems amateurish in construction. The only thing that made me want to review this is the fact that this in the end had spirt and intriguing notions! It IS a fun story - no question there. It's simply that the story seems yo go by so fast. Now, I also see that you're intention is to present this as a fable (lengthwise). If you read any of Aesop's fables, you'll see that the narrative is very basic, and the action revolves around one basic lesson that the readers in the end would be knowledgeable to understand. Here you've tried to incorporate an epic adventure into a fable format, which is risky for in that you lose a bunch of the fun. I would suggest extending this a bit, to make us understand certain details, and appreciate the characters and experience more. For right now, it's really only the ending that kills.....and the story/fable seemed rather all rushed just to focus on the ending. Don't bore your readers and then hit them over the head. Invite them into the world and into the experience.....and then hit them over the head. Good start.

[golden_dooky]

Hey,i understand and im still new like a rookie so i hope you can give a bit of info so i can build stronger stories and not boring so i really appreciate that long review by the way i have something that will shock you im only 10 years old (:

[emipoemi]

.....................................O-M-G! There's a first........... ! I'm so sorry. I hope you didn't take my comments too personally. Unfortunately it's rather difficult to teach writing and story-tellinf, for they're mystical crafts, you have to live in order to be able to know how to write; you need to read a bit more to understand the nuances. Like I said, because this is a mostly a fable, read some Aesop, and see how he structures his work; know the key tools of story-telling, and what makes things believable. 10 years old, and getting into writing.......that's ambitious! holy kwap! Good on you. You keep at it, and keep reading and living, you should be a pro in no time ;)

[H L Rose]

😆I second this! ^^^

[Cherrie]

it would be good to end like it began, where he is searches for his own prophet
interesting tale, it was fun to read

[golden_dooky]

Thank you. I will keep writing until I reach my goal (to be a big and famous writer).

[YouoweYoupay]

Your story was unpredictable and funny! I enjoyed reading it.

Keep writing!

~Rain.