Carolina

Something wrong happened with the world three months ago. 

No one knows what it was, but it was fast, and tragic, and it shed blood, and it will leave marks in all of us.

Specially in you, because you died. It was your blood who was shed.

It was your body which was burnt in that cemetery.

It was your parents who lost their only child.

It was your friends who lost their smiles.

It was you who lost all your dreams and plans.

As for me, I am sorry that I am writing this to you, addressing this to a dead girl. You are not a dead girl. But when I met you you had only just stopped breathing. When I met you, you had already stopped existing. So, the truth is, I don't know who you were before you died.

I really, really don't comprehend this. There's at least a thousand things I don't understand. How did your body, which was filled with life, and joy, and laughter die in less than a second? Where did all that death and horror come from? Did you had the chance to say goodbye to yourself? 

I think you didn't. I think the world made a mistake.

Carolina, I want to go back.

I want you to come home. I want you to go back to your house, I want you to lean in and kiss your parents, they miss you so much and it's not fair, they died just as much as you, if not a little bit more. 

I want to go back to that morning, where you were just as alive as I was. That cold, white, windy morning is the only memory I have of you. Your hair dancing with the wind, next to the bus station. I remember thinking that you had a pretty smile.

The next time I saw you, was at your funeral. And your smile was now a picture of you on top of your grave. 

The next time I saw you, you were dead.

And every since then, I haven't been able to write. My mind doesn't work.

I want to go back in time.

And at the day of your funeral, I wanted the world to stop. Why didn't the world stop?

I have been trying to make things right, Carolina.

But I've lost myself. I don't know what's right anymore, I've lost sight of what's worth it. I have been trying to go back in time, but I can't. The world doesn't let me, the world doesn't stop, the world has it all wrong and I don´t get it. I don't get my life, and I don't get your death.

Come back.