Unexpected

Short-one dark comedy scene with a bit of a psychotic twist at the end.

EXT. BACKYARD- DAY

Alex, asleep on the grass, is awakened by the wet slobs of a dog's tongue.  He sits up with a fast haste, looking dazed as to where he is.  Alisa, sitting right behind him on her lawn chair, clears her throat.  Alex abruptly jumps around to look at her.

 

 

 

 

ALEX

Uh...This is not what it looks like.

ALISA

Really? I'm just going to inquire the fact that you were just asleep on my lawn not five seconds ago.  I have to say though, I was really tempted to poke you with a stick to make sure you were alive but I thought that it would be disrespectful, so i just decided to wait here to see whether or not you would awake.

ALEX

Oh...No I am in fact still alive.  Thanks for the concern.

ALISA

I see that now.  Or maybe so half-alive. Tea?

 

She gestures to the table next to her with a tea set sitting on top. Alex gives her a weird look.

ALEX

No thank you...

ALISA

Let me tell you that I was the one who found you, a complete and total stranger, sleeping on my lawn. So don't give me that weird look. If you're thinking that I somehow poisoned it due to the fact that I may be suspicious as to whether or not you're some stalker, then you're wrong. I would have called the police, since it is a lot less messy and I won't have to go to church to confess my sins.  In fact, I find your suspicion of me rather insulting.  

ALEX

...I just don't like tea.

ALISA

You'll like this one.  It's a special kind of peppermint.  My grandmother made it from scratch.

Alex looks down at his feet and notices the absence of his shoes.

 

 

ALEX

By any chance, did my shoes fall into your backyard as well?

ALISA

Black combat boots?

ALEX

Yes, those are it!

ALISA

Oh, yes I have them.

She sips her tea and doesn't move.

 

ALEX

Can I have them?

 

Alisa gestures to the tea set again.

 

ALISA

Tea?

ALEX

Are you holding my shoes hostage until I take your tea?

ALISA

I am simply making a bargain.  Sit down, rest, have some tea, and then I'll give you your shoes and you can be on your marry way.  

ALEX

I'm not taking your tea.

ALISA

Shame.  Those were nice combat boots.  Maybe it'll be a fun chew toy for the dogs.

 

Alisa takes the tea cup from the table and offers it to him.

 

 

ALISA

Take the tea and the shoes are yours.

ALEX

I am now finding this really suspicious.

ALISA

Don't you trust me?

 

ALEX

Well speaking from the fact that I just met you and you are holding my shoes hostage until I take your tea.

ALISA

I'm harmless! really! I just want someone to taste my tea.

ALEX

Why don't you get somebody you already know?

ALISA

They've already had it.

ALEX

All of them?

ALISA

All of them. 

Alisa holds the cup up to him.

ALISA (CONT'D)

I'm harmless.  I promise.  No poison. Just the sweetness, joyous, flavor of serenity.

 

Alex finally gives in and drinks the tea.  He nods at it.

 

 

ALEX

Its good. Now shoes.

ALISA

Oh, you won't need them.

ALEX

What?

ALISA

Wait for it to kick in.  This stuff works fast. Really fast!

ALEX

What stuff...?

Realization finally hits him.

 

 

ALEX (CONT'D) 

You poisoned me.

ALISA

No, drugged! I drugged you. Not poisoned. I was thinking of kidnapping you while you were still asleep but then a thought occurred to me 'what if you woke up while I was carrying you up the stairs?' I didn't know how long you would be unconscious for.  So I do apologize in advance. I hope you really do forgive me.  

 

Drowsiness overcomes Alex as he starts to tumble.  

 

 

ALISA (CONT'D)

However, You should really learn not to take teas from strangers when they offer it.  Haven't you heard about all the lads that have gone missing in the last few weeks? Ever think that maybe they might have been offered a peppermint tea as well?

Alex collapses onto the ground.

 

Author's Note

This is a scene that i had to write for my film acting academy. A one page comedy scene. I'm not really a comedy writer but I wrote this scene and felt the need to share. Please tell me what you think! :)

Reviews

[December Blaize]

It's pretty good... reminds me of a short story by Roald Dahl, "The Landlady". I wonder how Alex managed to end up on Alisa's lawn? I like the end... goes to show, you should listen to your gut instinct!