Sophia

Sophia

Everything was fine

Everything was so-called normal

I kept driving, city lights cocooning me with illusory warmth

Safety seemed at my fingertips

Tears were not allowed to cool my hot face

 

I walked into my house, keys, bags, kettle on for hot tea

I scanned the emptiness and heard the sound of a heart snapping

I tried so hard to stop

I begged the stupid organ to get a grip

I even stood up to walk up to the nearest mirror

Talk sense into myself; show my reflection how silly I was

 

Only I never made it

The blow was so unexpected it made my knees buckle

I fell down on the floor

Gasping for air

Gasping for light

My lungs filled with so many uncried tears I began to drown

 

She has my eyes and your hair

Our daughter

The unborn one

The one we talked about

The one I willed into existence with the force of my love

There were days I would wake up hearing her sweet laughter

Her dark curls bouncing as she ran into our arms

There were days and nights I felt her little fingers clutching tight onto my heart

There were moments I whispered wait Sophia

Not yet, soon, when the time is right

She knew how much she was already loved

Her beautiful face displayed in every corner of my soul

 

Few weeks

Few words

Few agonies later

I felt the cold fingers of nothingness prying my womb open, slithering my heart
darkness looking for Sophia to take her away from me

To erase the memory of her curls and eyes and sweetest laughter

 

I closed my eyes

I summoned Devil by his favorite name

I offered him everything, my heart, my soul, my body, my life and even my death

Then there was nothing

Empty wasteland deprived of colors, sounds, and feelings

A hell

Lack

No pain

No joy

Nothing

 

But as I slowly got strength to open my eyes and ears

First I mistook it for the spasm of my taken soul

But then it got louder

And I knew it was her because the pain and the happiness all came back at the same time

 

And in this purgatory of love

I felt my heart regain its beat

As a little hand

Little fingers

Held tight to mine

A flutter of her own heart

Safely closed in mine

Reviews

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

this is incredibly powerful i do not know exactly what to say.. as it feels like everything i COULD say is trite, overused..

this is simply an incredible write. heartwrenching and suspenseful.. i felt this to my core, as if i had known this emotion, even though i never TRULY have.

goddamn this is amazing

[Jola]

Poem full of feeling and style ... interesting interpretation ...
Nice job!!!

[Kat-Marie Berti]

A wonderfully heartfelt poem that truly tugged at the inner corners of my heart. I thought at first that the poem referred to a lost lover, but you caught me by surprise at the end. Another outstanding piece of writing!

[Luna]

This is very deep and the emotion of yearning for your child is shown clearly, yearning for nothing to happen and the fear that something does. Well done.

[Iota]

I am thankful I have never had to experience anything like this and if i did I don't think I could write about it. I like how you showed desperation by calling on the devil instead of God, it showed that all else had failed and it deepened the disparity that you were showing here. In the end I am not sure if she was returned to you physically or was her spirit there with you to help you through the bad times. Children expect to lose their parents but parents never expect to lose their children. A great write by you like aways, very heart felt.

[Tina Kline]

Very emotional, very powerful write. When I finished reading I had tears in my eyes. Very well done.

[deeps]

I liked your 3 stanza from the bottom.
I thought this was very well written.
I like this alot it was very expressive and weill written.
Wonderful emotion expressed!