I havent decided what to call it

A Story by PFChangs

Just a romance story

I looked at my watch. "Ugh! 9:01! The minutes go by so damned slow!" I turned off my book light and just lay in bed. I looked at my daughters blanket, rubbed it in between my fingers and let a tear slip from my eye. Don't take your orange pills 'till 9:30, don't take your yellow ones 'till 10! I remembered the voice of his reason. "Stupid oncologist! He should be in his death bed instead of helping people out of it!" Don't take this pill 'till this time. Oh! And don't take your vitamin B12 pills with alcohol! The truth was, I loved him. Dr. Patrick O'Connor, single and handsome. He's only thirty-two, dirty blond hair, icy blue eyes, and is hot enough to bake cookies on and then eat them! Yummy! I glanced up at my blue clock with glowing orange letters. Those colors don't match! Was the only thing my mother said the one and only time she came down here. 9:05pm. "God damn it! Who cares? I am going to die anyway!" I threw my pills into my mouth and downed my decaf coffee. God! I thought Hospitals are so ugly and depressing!

I got up forgetting that all I had on was that half assed dress the hospital gives you, and walked out the door. A couple of whistles came from other patients on this floor. I told them to go piss on themselves.

"Angie?" someone questioned, "Is that you?"

Whoever it was sounded like I just woke up from the dead.

"For God sakes, what now Pati?"

"A blue, green, and purple pill to match your yellow, red, and orange ones!"

"You're one hell of an oncologist, I'll be pissing the rainbow before my due date!"

"Ang, for the last time, you are not going to die! And don't call me Pati, it's either Pat or Patrick!"

"Yeah, yeah!" I said, "Pati."

I tumbled off to bed and went to turn my book light on. Batteries were dead so I went to bed like any normal leukemia patient.

The next morning I was woken up by my phone. I fell out of my bed looking for it.

"He-hello?" I stammered.

"Angela Bennet?" The phone asked.

"Uhh, yeah?" I asked back.

"This is chief Kelly from the station."

I was shocked and appalled. My old police chief!

"Ang?"

"I'm here! What do you want? I am terminal!"

"Yeesh! That's what I get for checking up on my little girl?"

Oh yeah, he's my dad too.

"No Chief Kelly, that's what you get from your best commanding officer on the death bed. The one and only."

"It's nice to see you haven't changed a bit."

"Yeah, OK. How's your wife?"

"You mean your mother? She's still under house arrest."

"Good, then she still has time to write me letters."

"Angie, don't be that way!"

"Goodbye, Chief!"

I hung up. God I hate my parents! My life too!

I was the best commanding officer in the late months of 2007, it's July of '08 and I am in a death bed at 28 years of age, terminal, with leukemia. Great. I would pray to God, but since I don't believe in him, that wouldn't do any good. And no matter how many times I say his name, I still don't believe.

My whole life runs on a schedule. 8:30am wake up, 8:45am take shower, 9:am get pills, 9:15 eat breakfast 9:45 am - 11:30am rest time, 11:45 am- 12:30pm Bingo, 12:45pm-____choice of movie or bingo, 1pm lunch, 5pm stroll in park, 5:30pm get pills, 5:45pm eat dinner 6pm-____free time. Boring right? I hate bingo. You would too if you had to play it every day for almost an hour! We don't get to leave, ever, unless you are released. No one from the terminal section is ever released. I went on through my schedule as normal. I make my daily complaints. There are few who even listen anymore. Pati does.

"Good afternoon Angie."

"You too!" I said in my heavy New York accent. As usual for lunch I sat down by Darla, my deaf friend with Mesotheleoma. We exchanged dreams as usual, and as usual her dream was of swimming in Bologna. She's not much of a listener but, what the hell! Mine was of my daughter and husband killed in a hit and run accident with me only injured... Only my dream actually happened.

"Angela, how is that rainbow coming?" He smiled his big, white, teethy smile!

"Oh! Uhh, it's coming! I see blue, green, and yellow already!"

He chuckled with me.

"Oh boy!" I said to my nurse, Lyn.

"Yeah, he's a good one!" Lyn added.

"Oncologist? You mean?" I toyed.

"You know damn well what I mean!" She toyed back.

"He's even single! And so are you!"

"Yeah, but one difference, he's not terminal!"

"Enjoy life while you can!"

"Oh, I wish, but your schedule doesn't make it the least bit possible."

"Well, you better take that up with Molly!"

"Molly? Molly Anne? Oh no! Not her! I tormented her throughout my whole school career! She'll see to it that I get killed!"

"Shh! We do have security cams! She is the director of St. Johns!"

"Here? S**t Lyn! I am dead! She'll kill me!"

"Who will?"

Chills went up and down my spine.

"Molly! You look great!"

She did, surprisingly!

"Thanks Angela! It's nice to see that you haven't changed a bit!"

Where had I heard that one before?

"Have you been talking to my dad? You s**t!"

Oops.

"What?"

"..."

I was struck silent. I didn't know what to say.

"......I...I...sorry...I didn't mean for it to come out that way, I...I mean, well I sort of did, but not out loud..."

Great! Just great! That's wonderful! Now I have a bigger chance of dying! I just called the head of the hospital a s**t. Just what I needed to do!

"I'll let that and school slide. But don't piss me off!"

She glared at me with her big hazel eyes.

"Lyn, when did she get here? Man, I screwed up bad this time!"

"Angie, ... I don't know how to say this." she paused, "You are out of control! You need to settle down! Whether you like it or not, that man is your father! I am calling him down here!"

"Lyn, oh Lyn, please don't! I can't handle that man!"

"I think that you guys need to resolve some things! Maybe some shed tears will do the trick for you!"

I curled up in a ball on the cold white hospital tiles. The cold felt good on my burning face. I could feel the tears on my face sizzle as they left the cool of my eyes.

"Why? Why? Damn it!"

"For your own good." Dr. O'Connor walked into the hall after hearing everything. "I think it will do you good to have a long conversation with your father that you can't hang up on."

"That... that...that man is not my father!"

"Well then, who is?"

"I don't need one!"

"Well, he needs you."

"The hell with him! The only thing that he gave me through the years was pain!" I said making myself more compact. Pat then injected some knock out medicine with an unpronouncable name and I was out. "Dr. Matthews, Lyn, I think that I will handle the phone call."

"But, Dr. O'Connor! He is a harsh man! I was using that as a warning not, like, for real!"

"Well, I am using it for real! God dam-." He brushed him self off, apologized, and walked off.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt lonely, until I felt the hand of my...my...my dad on me, then I would have rather been alone.

"Don't touch me!"

"Angela, you and I need to talk."

"Ok, you start" I had hot tears streaming down my face.

"What I did to you and your mom was unacceptable."

"Damn right!"

"I...I...I don't know how to say sorry, because I feel that sorry doesn't cover it. And there really aren't any words to describe how I feel other than sorry. And I wish that there was a way for you to forgive me! And.." his voice trembled. Tears started streaming down his face, as well as mine.

"And...I am sorry too. I guess inside I have always loved you, but never been able to forgive you because you never said sorry-"

"Well I tried but you-"

"-I am not done! You never said sorry, but I guess that's because I never gave you a chance to."

It was silent for a couple of minutes, then I grabbed him and held him tightly in my arms.

"I love you!" I said with tears streaming from my eyes.

"I love you too, my baby girl!"

I saw Pati looking in smiling from the door.

After a little more conversation, my dad said that he had to leave for work. He also said that he would stop by tomorrow.

"Bye! I love you!" I yelled as he left the room.

"You too!" His voice was trailing behind him as he got farther away.

"Glad to see things are working out for you and your dad!" Dr. O'Connor said as he made long, confident strides into my room.

"Yeah, I am still having some mixed feelings though."

"That's why I am here. You still don't forgive him. Why not?"

"The things he did, are unforgiveable! He beat us!" I choked back my tears, then just let go. I closed my eyes and put my face in my pillow. I bellowed for a while with Pati just standing there.

"Angie. Look at me."

I pulled my face from the pillow and looked in disgust at my wet pillow. I tore my eyes away from that to look at Pati.

"What?" I gasped.

"I don't want you to see your father for at least two weeks. You need some recovery time. You can talk to him on the phone, I don't care, but don't see him for two weeks."

"OK." I was fragile I admit, I would have said OK, to almost anything, anyone said right now just to get them off of my backs! But, I have to say, I don't want to see my dad tomorrow.

At lunch, I found out that Darla died earlier tbat day from heart failure. So now I sit next to the geeks. Yay! Not.

"God, help me!" I said under my breath, or so I thought.

"With what?" One of the nerds sitting next to me heard me.

Actually, he was kind of cute! Like, really cute! Light brown hair, deep green eyes behind those nerdy glasses, rough skin from what I could see. I just stared at him.

"Uh... Anyone home?"

"What? Oh! Yeah. Umm...With my uh, leukemia!"

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Why are you in the terminal section?"

"Me?"

Duh.

"Well, I am a doctor here. Well, kind of. I am a doctor in training. Dr. O'Connor is teaching me.

"Really? Pati is my oncologist!"

"Pati?"

"Dr. O'Connor sorry. What's your name?"

"Dylan Monroe."

"Nice to meet you Dylan, I am Angela Bennet."

"Angela Bennet? Dr. O'Connor speaks of you a lot! I mean about your condition."

"My condition? What does he say?"

"That you are in excellent health, for someone with leukemia!"

"I am? The last time I checked I was on the less healthy scale."

He laughed, and oh my God, I cannot live with a laugh like that! He snorts and spits and ugh!
"Well, I better go!"
"Wait, but!" I ignored him and walked away fast. So fast that I tripped over my own shoelace and was going head first to the ground. Luckily, Pati was there to save the day!
"Ang, you need to be more careful! Maybe, next time the great Dr. Patrick O'Connor won't be there to save you!" He sounded so triumphant like he was some kind of super-hero. He was definitely mine!
"Sorry!"
"Don't be sorry! Just be careful!"
"You sound like my dad." He turned around and walked away, cursing at himself.
"I meant that as a good thing!" I yelled across the hall hoping that he would hear. He turned around and smiled at me.

The next day, I woke up and found Dylan sorting my pills.

"What-what are you doing? Get out of my room! Where's Pati?"

"Dr. O'Connor is leaving for a week trip to Michigan to see his mom."

"And, he didn't even tell me?" Tears started dripping from my eyes.

I don't want to spend a week with this guy!

That was all I needed! A geek to come and save the day!

Maybe that's why Pati said, ...maybe next time...Dr. Patrick O'Connor won't be there to save the day! Was that his way of telling me? Probably not.

"O-ok, just-just leave! Please! Just go! Far away!"

"I am afraid I can't do that." He shut the door and locked it. He walked over to me. Tears were rushing down my face.

"Stop! What are you doing?"

"You will regret ever running away from me!" Wait a minute. Crap! He was going to beat me! Those were the exact words my father used when he first beat me.

All I could do was sit there. Hoping that he would have a change of heart. He didn't. He kept coming closer. He crouched next to me and I could feel his harsh breaths on my back. He brushed his hands through my hair.

"Don't touch me!" I moved to kick him, and prevailed. As I tried to get loose, I saw a nurse outside, and started to scream. The nurse ran to look inside, tried to open the door and ran away.

"Don't make any sounds!" He whispered harshly into my ear. Luckily, he didn't notice the nurse. The nurse returned with security and a key. She unlocked to door and came to my rescue. He hit her and rendered her unconsious. He was then shot by security. He died right then and there.

I screamed and wailed and cried for Pati. Lyn came in and as soon as she had discovered what happened called Pati to tell him. He was in the middle of dinner with his mom. He told them he was busy, but then he hushed with the news. He kissed his mom goodbye and ran to catch the next Acella train. He was there in an hour, but got caught in traffic.

As I waited for him, I spoke to no one. I was curled up on my bed, just waiting.

When he finally arrived at the hospital he ran, running into people and he didn't even look back. He didn't take the elevator, he just took two stairs at a time, hauling a*s, for me. It took him five minutes to get up to my room.

My eyes were closed as I pushed out the last bit of hope. I was falling asleep.

"Angela? Angela! Oh my God! Angie!"

"Pati?" My voice was shaky, I trembled as tears started to fall from my eyes.

"It's ok, I'm here. I'm here."

"I know you're here! Do you think I'm stupid or something?" I was just joking around.

He laughed and smiled a really big smile.